Enough

We recently went on a short overnight trip. This trip was made with much trepidation as we were not sure how our Hidden Treasure would fare in this unfamiliar environment. If it was to be anything like those hotel nights in Eastern Europe or the first few months here at home...well, it was gonna be rough.

As bedtime drew near, I laid out her familiar items and readied her for bed. I knew that darkness in an unfamiliar environment was ahead, but she didn't. I hated that I had no way to prepare her for what lay ahead.

She took my hand and trusted me as I led her to her little palate filled with comfort items. As she lay there in the dark, staring around at whatever her eyes could make out, I could see her struggling with this dark, new place. I sat by her side silently asking her to trust me and relax enough to feel safe no matter what. This was big and I knew it was hard. Her internal wrestling match was almost tangible.

Slowly, I began to see which way the tide was turning. Her body began to relax as she fell into slumber...and she slept through the whole night. I realized then that we were enough. We are finally at a place where we were enough to make her feel safe no matter the environment.

Watching her, it struck me how it can be like that for us. Sometimes God leads us into dark, unfamiliar places and quietly sits by our side asking us to trust Him enough to relax because He can see the bigger picture. No matter how little we can see, how strange the noises sound or how scared we are...He's asking us to trust that He is enough.

Textures

Our Hidden Treasure seems to have this thing about textures. From the food she eats, to the blankets she will not allow to cover her to the funniest things that bring her immense pleasure. From the very get-go she has been taken with cheap, plastic bead necklaces and bracelets--the more the better. Then it was the bright green scarf made from something similar to Fun Fur. And then the hair on people's heads...I won't even go any further with that one because it's so weird. But then came Christmas and she discovered garland. She still finds remains of it around the house, lifts up her shirt and rubs it on her belly.

Now she's found something new to delight her tactile senses. Can you guess what it is?

Toes

I have to admit it. I am the kind of person that either has to do something 100% or not at all. So...I haven't been doing this blog at all. With a homeschooling family of eight adjusting to a new size, I find our life so full that I don't have the time to sit and write out long thoughts. Instead, what I can do is share our highlights here and there. Typically, I share them on social networking when I can get to it because it only requires me to type out 140 characters and possibly include a photo...and I can do it from my iPhone (sometimes while I'm in the only quiet place in the house...you know the one) anywhere and at any hour. But some people miss out...and they are random...and they are not all in one place...and I feel guilty for never quite spending time here.

In one of my few moments of quiet the other day, I read my friend, Love's blog and was inspired by what she had to say. Maybe, just maybe, she had a solution to my dilemma.

i think it's really crucial to remember that, for the most part, i'm showing you my

highlight reel.  don't get me wrong, i long to be honest and even vulnerable here,

but the reason that i started this space was to remember how precious our moments

are.  so, just because the majority of them are sweet and loving and clean and styled--

make no mistake.  i am human.  we are human.  there is mess--the literal & figurative kind.

The highlighted part jumped out at me. For this season of my life, I can either record something or nothing. For right now, I need a place in which I can record the gifts or "the highlight reel"--as she calls it--in our family life. Maybe I can't sit down and write at length like I once could, but for now this place can be what I need it to be. I wonder if simple might even be better.

_____________________________________________

Today was full of old memories and making new ones.

My grandmother passed away recently and after her memorial, we spent some time at the very same beach that I walked along with her many a time. Whenever we would visit her, we would always take a walk along the beach and collect sea shells. As I dipped my toes in the chilly water, played in the sand and walked along collecting shells in the warm sunshine, my memories with her began walking alongside new ones as our Hidden Treasure placed her little Russian toes into the Pacific Ocean for the very first time.

•  Her little piggy toes scrunching up, feeling the texture of wet sand and water running between her toes.
• Her reckless abandon as she ran at full speed, unencumbered up and down the beach, feeling the wind in her hair.
• Tentative at first, but fear giving away to joy as she took in the fullness of His creation.

I didn't plan this trip to the beach to be so significant, but He did. He knew just what I needed today. He knew I needed something new.

I'm thinking I'm gonna go with this newness here. I won't feel overwhelmed at all I have not shared in the past few months, but instead just start afresh from right here, right now.

Alive

For those of you who have noticed that I have not updated the blog since we've been home...we are still alive. Our Hidden Treasure is doing well, but it has been a looooooong first few weeks together as her transition has been...normal. Her transition has been different and harder than DOP, but yet it is more in line with what is normal. It has been like having a baby again, having to go backward in many ways, but yet we are finally in a place of goodness. A place where we are not dragging through each day because we are tired from being up all night. A place of seeing her eat like a toddler and not a baby. A place of blooming.

Give me just a bit more time and I will hopefully have my brain back so this blog can reach higher on my list of things to do and share with you our journey over the last few weeks. Our Hidden Treasure has been a light in a dark time. I have journaled the gift after gift we see through her. I will share it soon...

Dear family and friends- a note about attachment. PLEASE READ.

Dear Family and Friends, 

We are so thrilled to finally bring home our Hidden Treasure home and we know you are rejoicing with us.

As we have prepared for the arrival of her, we have learned that while decorating her room and stocking up on toddler essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our new toddler. In her short life, our daughter has gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes are for her at her young age. While she may not consciously remember the events, she still has experienced immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother, and more recently the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, sounds, routines and language of her birth country. Her world has been turned upside down. She struggles with feeling safe and secure and she lacks the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. We have done immense preparation for this--to meet our Hidden Treasure’s emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe. 


We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. At this point, she is 3 years old, but functioning at 18 months of age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have learned from research and experience that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. So please don’t be offended when we ask you not to pick her up or feed her. She needs to learn who her family is and is not. She needs to learn boundaries. She needs to learn that every person in the room is not Mama.

You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow our daughter’s lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects. 

We have all been waiting anxiously for our Hidden Treasure to arrive and we know you have too, but she has not been waiting for us. She is already showing her grief and confusion in many ways and we are helping her through it, proving to her that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. Prayer, patience and perseverance are our friends. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, praying for us and her. We thank you in advance for your support and understanding. We love you all so much.

Love, 
The Mommy Map Family

***If you are interested in reading more about attachment in adoption and how you can be supportive to us and other adoptive families you know, go to A4everfamily.org

Happy Birthday!

Today marks the 3rd birthday of our Hidden Treasure. That was one thing that I prayed...that God would allow us to have her in our custody before her birthday. He answered that by allowing us to slide in just in time! What a way to celebrate her birthday--by having a family! Isn't God cool like that?

We've spent the day exploring the Moscow Zoo. It has been nice to have something close and fun to do with her for the day. We are pretty much waiting on our Embassy appointment on Monday so filling in the next few days with a toddler is interesting, to say the least!

The Moscow Zoo is interesting in itself. On the main street loop, it has a discreet gate to enter, but as we discovered there is quite a large zoo hidden behind the big city buildings. We were surprised at how large their displays are and how far it spreads. It's a strange thing to taking the sights of zoo, giraffes in your immediate field of vision, but towering apartment buildings framing the background.

We've deliberated back and forth as to what to name her--her pseudo name for blog. Just as we view her as a treasure that we have sought after with hidden things left to discover, our thoughts are mirrored in Matthew 13: 44:

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."

Happy Gotcha Day!

Today was the big day--Gotcha Day! We brought our daughter home from the orphanage this morning and now she resides with us in the hotel while we finish up paperwork with the Embassy. Here are a few fun photos from today. The bottom one was the smile we caught when I bent down to her level and she could see my face. That is when her face lit up! Sorry so short. We are very tired after listening to her scream her head off at naptime. She is tired and we are tired. Hoping that we don't repeat that scene for bedtime, but yet we know and understand that it's a very real possibility. Everything from surroundings, to sights, sounds, smells, voices, routines, foods, etc have all changed for her in one day. She's a bit overwhelmed! Can't really blame her, I would be too! Say a little prayer for us as she adjusts to everything new and that we get some rest. Tomorrow we meet with the Embassy doctor and then head off for a trip to the zoo.