Happy Birthday to Littlest One!

This weekend we are celebrating the life of Littlest One.  He's been trying to milk it all month long, but the real celebrating is now.  Now is when we reflect back on his life and thank God that He has allowed Littlest One to be a part of our family.

Frankly, after The Negotiator I hoped we were done.  I was satisfied with the number of kids I had and tired of having baby after baby.  I didn't want another one.  I reflect back on those thoughts and look into the smiling face of my Boo and try to imagine life without him.  I am thankful that God trumped me because without him I wouldn't have beautiful green eyes shining back and me, nor would I have his comedy at every turn, especially when I need it, nor would I have him cuddling up to me whenever I sit or lay down.  I'm so glad God is in charge because I would've missed out on a lot!

Littlest One was and is my true baby.  Because I was pregnant or nursing continuously for over 4 years, he is the one that the fog cleared and I actually got to enjoy him--to enjoy having a baby.  Before him, I was just going through motions.  He is the one I nursed longest and really didn't want to stop because I loved his little body curved into mine.  He is the one that I got to really relish in each milestone with.  He has been a blessing and I am so glad I didn't have to miss out!

Happy Birthday, Littlest One!

This is the true Littlest One. Comedian at every moment!

Change of Plans

In case you haven't heard, there's a reason for why I've been silent for quite a bit longer than I had originally anticipated.  The week after I returned from camp with Mini-Me, I spent a good portion of it in the hospital with Daughter of Purpose.  This was not planned.

While DOP was playing tag at church, she fell awkwardly and broke the top of her femur--they call it the neck of the femur.  I knew something was wrong when she wouldn't stop whimpering, seemed to be in unbearable pain and could not put weight on her right leg.  She just kept crumpling to the ground whenever I tried to put her down.  So off the ER we went.  6 hours later she was in surgery.  DOP now has two pins in her hip and is in a wheelchair for 4 weeks.  This certainly adds a bit of spice to our life!

My already full life has become fuller so I will post as I can.

Open Letter

Dear Mommy Map readers,
Oh how I love you so, yet you are being left unattended.  You see, last week was a wild week and this week is about to get even wilder.  I am off into the wild blue yonder with Mini-Me.  We are headed to camp.  I really didn't want to continue your neglect (I had plans for auto-posting), but packing for me, Mini-Me and preparing everything for the rest of the crew back at home--well, it was a lot.  Yet here is the bright side...in order to beat an expiration date on a free Shutt*rfly album, I completed my first ever album in my last moments before leaving!  I actually finished DOP's adoption journey in pictures (2 years later)!  Woot! A miracle has happened in your midst!

Pray for my family here at home this week.  Pray for Mini-Me's first camp experience.  Pray for me to be alive when I get back so I can continue writing Mommy Map!

Signed,
The Navigator

Parenting Today with the Future in Mind

In the past I've done some speaking on "parenting today with the future in mind."  Heck, it's kinda how this blog got started.  Parenting in such a way that we as parents are intentional in the way we parent.  Parenting pro-actively instead of re-actively or as some say, parenting on purpose.

One of the things I've encouraged others to do is to write out a family purpose statement or even just come up with a few goals for your family that you can filter decisions through.  It's really not unlike a business model.  I'm one of those coo-coo people that attends business or leadership seminars and twists it in my mind as to how it can apply to family life.  That's where my thought process came from on this.  I observed businesses establishing a purpose statement that was used as a guide to keep their company on the right track for which it was originally started.  Our church even does it--"Helping people to find Jesus Christ and follow Him fully." They make decisions for the church as a whole based on whether it fits within those parameters.  I mean really now, doesn't it make sense that we do the same for our families?  Don't you want to have an idea of where you're headed or do you prefer to blunder through each day?  Do you have an idea of what you'd like your family/children to be like some day or do you just cross your fingers and hope for a miracle?  How will you get there if you don't have some sort of plan of action or maybe a guiding principle to get you there?

Thus said, I did create one of these for my children when they were toddlers and it served us well for a period of time, but as my children have gotten older, I have wanted to formulate a new purpose statement because our needs have changed a bit, yet I haven't ever gotten to it.  In my perfectionist way, I never really tackled it because I wanted it to be perfect on the first shot and ready for framing on my wall!  I wasn't willing to write out a few ideas and then let them simmer into perfection over time.

Recently, I've gotten a reminder about this desire and thus decided to get over my bad perfectionist self and to just start writing.  In an effort to possibly help others get started, I am going to share with you my very rough list of ideas.  I still have to work them through in my mind as to what I want to add/remove and then decide if I want to formulate them into one fancy statement or to have bullet points.  Still simmering...

Please keep in mind that my purpose for my family is going to look different than yours.  You are welcome to use it as a place to get ideas and then form it to fit your family.

Early years purpose statement:

God has given me the vision to stay home with my children so that I might raise them to be a sweet perfume to whoever they come into contact with--behaviorally, spiritually & personality-wise.  I also want to challenge them intellectually and allow them to creatively experience life to the fullest.  I want them to enjoy life and likewise me to enjoy them.  I thank God for the opportunity to stay home so that I have the chance to get to know them well in hopes that I can foster who God has made them and help give them opportunities in which to blossom regardless of their different personalities and needs.

Last week I had some drive time to sit with my husband and hammer out some current backbones of a new family purpose statement:

• Train and equip our children for adulthood.  Not only in their actions like practical life skills and job skills, but also in character.
• We as the parents will work to be evermindful that we cannot just say what we believe, we must live what we say we believe.
• We will make sure that all of our children know that they are a blessing to us and they have our approval, regardless of the choices they make or who they become.  They will always have our blessing over them.
• Help our children find & foster their personal gifts and talents--working alongside them to find their purpose and to pray diligently that they will not have a sense of wandering and not know what they are here for.
• We will work to raise our children to be leaders of the next generation.  Children know who they are and what they stand for.  Stand out as light in a dark world.
• Giving them a Biblical foundation/worldview. Equip them with practical skills like memorizing God's Word, knowing how to read their Bibles, how to study it themselves and to be in the habit of having a quiet time with the Lord each day.
• Putting our faith, as a family, into action by using our lives to be a part of the solution in meeting the needs of the defenseless.
• Family will be our priority.  We will aim to make sure that our family does not get the leftovers.
• Keeping our daughter's Russian heritage alive/our heart for Eastern Europe at the forefront of our mind and actions.

Rather illustrious don't ya think?  Well, we've gotta shoot high so at we have something to weed down from!  Gotta shorten it somehow too, but again, it's just a start.  Who knows, maybe we're even failing at some of them already or will fail, but at least we can try to aim in that direction.  The purpose for us is to use it as a guide as we make decisions for our family.  As new things come across our life path, we will filter it through these statements and ask ourselves if they fit.  If not, the answer is no thank you.  Simple as that.

Here's some examples: when someone asks one of us to join a committe, be a leader of a ministry or to go on a mission trip.  Since my husband is on staff at our church, this happens to us all of the time.  So we go to our family purpose statments and filter it.  Does it fit for us to go to Haiti when our heart is for Eastern Europe?  Should we serve the low-income kids, as a family, on a Saturday when Saturday is our Daddy's only full day off with us?  Should I participate in a ministry that I love, but is on the only night we have together as a family?  Should I take on being the coordinator for a ministy that I know I can do well, but will leave me exhausted and little time for my kids (and my husband, for that matter)?  Does The Talker want to join choir with his sister since she is in it, but yet singing is not really his thing?  Should we make our kids take piano lessons even though we've had a piano sitting in our home for over 12 years and no one has expressed one iota of interest in it?  What about when our whole family enrolls in soccer?  What if one of my kids doesn't want to, but wants to pursue baseball instead?  Should we sign up our kids for a particular children's ministry just because everyone else is or should be skip it and find something else that is better suited for them and our family?

My list could go on, but I hope you get the point.  We live in a culture, even the church, that offers us more options than we know what to do with, but we are only in this life once.  We only get one shot to live it with purpose.  I only have 18 years to pour into my children's lives.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to waste it.  So go ahead, do some thinking about what you want for your family in the years to come.  Think backwards and figure out some statements/goals that will help you figure out how to stay on that road toward your end goal.  Don't be a perfectionist like me.  Put your thoughts onto paper, talk with your husband and get his input, pray, let them simmer and then refine them.  After that...go for it!  Live your life like every day matters!

*Some books that have been helpful in relation to formulating a family vision statement:
"The Danger of Raising Nice Kids" by Timothy Smith and "Visioneering" by Andy Stanley.

Our Personal Road Map

A long time ago I saw this idea in Family Fun magazine, bought what we needed to put it into action and then promptly shoved it away in a closet to be useless for years on end.  Why that happened, I don't know.  However, despite this little idea being a bit past my kids age, we decided to break it out this week and it has been a blast.  I wonder if your kids might enjoy doing something like this too.

What we did was pull out that very large piece of canvas I had stowed away, along with the fabric markers and created our own personal road map for small cars to drive on.  At this point, will my kids ever drive their hot wheels all over it?  Probably not, but the process was precious to us.

Over the course of the last week, we've looked at ideas on-line for road placement and building ideas.  We also brainstormed and took a trip down memory lane about places we've been or frequently go--the places that are important to us as a family.  Once we were ready, I drew (with much supervision from my kids) the roads on the our road map.  After that, they took over.  They each spent the whole day yesterday drawing what they felt needed to be on our map.  It was such a blast for me to sit back and listen to them talk about all of these places and share why they thought they should be a part of our personal map.  They worked together in amazing way!

My favorite part of it all was later last night when I stood with The Driver and checked out in detail what they'd deemed worthy of our family map.  It had a bat cave (drawn by The Talker, of course), In-N-Out Burger, Trader J*es, Costco, our church, hospital with helipad, museum, and more.  It even came complete with handiapped parking spaces!  It was such a hoot! I only wish I could get a better picture for you!

A Simple Arguing Philosophy

Now that summer is here, I seem to get more questions from other moms about how I deal with arguing among my children.  I have this simple philosophy that I use all year long that seems to do the trick.  I have to confess I stole it from my friend, Trina, a few years back.  I think the use of this philosphy just comes into play more during the summer months because the kids have more free time and less structure.  Here is goes:

"If you have energy to argue, then you've got energy to work."

Thus, I have a list I keep for these specific times at my ready.  Whoever is arguing will have to spend time doing one of these activities with their sibling.  Usually by completion of the task, they have figured out how to get along and to work together.  If not, they will be assigned another task to complete until I see them working together.

Weeding the garden for a specified amount of time or until a specific area is completed.
Cleaning out the car.
Cleaning the toilets.
Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Clean the bathtubs.
Wipe every doorjam of fingerprints.
Vacuum, dust, and wipe down a specified room.

Don't be surprised if they continue their arguing for a bit as they start their task, but eventually they begin to see beyond the end of their own nose and realize that they'd better figure out a way to get along or they'll be doing this task for a r-e-a-l-l-y long time!

Don't be afraid to make your children work through situations they struggle with.  Separating them in their own rooms and avoiding the problem will never solve it.  They won't learn how to get along.  It just takes practice.  Coaching them through what is the right behavior and giving them the opportunity to do it over and over again until they get it right.  More on that later this week...

My New Career

I'm starting a new career.  Starting this week, I'm going to be a mail carrier.  My route will be my own house.  You see, I've got this hairbrained idea to foster a bit of encouragement, kind words and thinking positive.  It should also help my kids to keep their handwriting, spelling and general writing skills fresh.  I am going to run a post office for my family.

This summer (and maybe longer depending on how it goes) each person in my family is going to have a "mailbox" for other people in the family to send notes of encouragement or pictures to.  I've been trying to think of ways to foster all of these things just like we do with our stockings at Christmas.  I've wished for it to be year round.  I'm thinking this is gonna work because who in the world doesn't love to get mail?  Whether it's e-mail or snail mail there's always such joy at receiving mail!

All I did was purchase two of these 3-drawer organizers.  Each person gets a drawer (The Driver and I have to share) as their mailbox.  I originally was going to save cardboard boxes or buy some simple little baskets from the dollar store, but after much thought...I decided this was the best choice for our family. Anything can work.  Be creative.  In fact, letting your kids decorate their mailbox might be a fun idea too!  Just find what you think will work for you and your family.

Off I go to fulfill my new role.  I'll let you know how it goes.  I'm hoping it's a success, but I promise to tell you if it's a flop cause I'd hate to lead you astray!