In our car, there is a driver and a navigator. My husband is the driver and I am the navigator. Each of us is uniquely fit for our job in our car. We can each do each other's job, but yet it just seems that when he's in the drivers seat and I am in the navigator's seat, it's like...well, it's like a hand in a glove...a perfect fit.
Recently, as my family went on a mini-vacation and drove throughout the streets of San Francisco, this word picture of the driver vs navigator was never more clear. As we drove along, it was me who figured out where we should go, pored over the map, and suggested what direction we should go, but yet ultimately, it was my husband who made the car go in that direction toward our destination. I did the work and made the suggestion, but he had the wheel in his hands and could decide whether my suggested route was the direction we would head or whether he had another idea of how to reach our goal.
It's like that in real life. I am the heart of our home and I do the hard work of managing our home, reading books about parenting and making suggestions about where I think our family should head, but yet it is ultimately my husband who decides whether to heed my directions or to blaze his own trail for our family. Sometimes we get "lost" because of a poor decision and sometimes we make it to our end goal because of a good decision. But the thing about being in the car together is that no matter what happens, we're all in it together. I don't know about you, but I kind of like it that way. Sort of an "all for one and one for all" mentality--a teamwork attitude of sorts. I'd rather end up in a bad situation with my husband and children at my side than to stand alone in a good one.
Sometimes it's hard to stay in the role that God has placed me in as the navigator. Sometimes I just want to push my husband over and say, "I'll take it from here, Honey" and under my breath mutter, "Because I'm pretty sure I can do a better job and make a better decision about this." But yet, I must resist that urge. Boy, is it ever hard, but I must resist because if I do that, I am usurping him of the position God gave him in our car. Over time, with much practice and some learning the hard way, I have come to the conclusion that it is better to miss the exit or to go the wrong direction with my husband still in the driver's seat than it is for me to take over and drive. You see over time, if I keep grabbing the wheel and, with my actions, tell the driver that he stinks at his job, then eventually he'll just give up driving because he knows I'll always jump in and take the wheel!
We have had a situation in our personal life recently that perfectly illustrates what I'm talking about. The reason I have not blogged much lately is because for the last two years, our family has been in the process of adopting a child from Russia. During Thanksgiving week, we "just happened" to stumble upon information of a 3-year-old little girl that matched what we've been looking for. As I gathered paperwork about her, she captured my heart, but yet I knew that I couldn't just jump into the driver's seat and say "yes" to the agency. I needed to do my navigating job and then sit back and wait patiently for the driver to do his thinking and then choose whether we should drive in her direction or not. It was especially difficult for me to not take over the wheel since I knew that other families had inquired about her. I was in a hurry to be the first family to be serious about adopting her, but yet I had to wait. It gave me comfort in the waiting to know that ultimately God is on the roof of our car whispering in our ear what direction to go and that in this situation, if she was meant to be in our family, then she would still be available when my husband was ready. So I waited.
While I waited, I thought about all the reasons for why I should just take over the driver's seat, but yet at the same time, I thought about all the reasons for why I should allow my husband to remain the driver. I mean, what would happen in the long run if I were to decide for our family that we should adopt her and my husband was not "on board"? What would happen when the tough times came and she had a hard time adjusting to our family? What would happen when I was in the middle of those tough times and I began to doubt about what "we" had done? Don't you think that it's highly likely that in those tough times, someone would begin to blame the other for what they had gotten our family into? Wouldn't that create dissension in our family unit? So I opted for the better plan of waiting on the driver and guess what? He gave me the green light because she had begun to capture his heart too.
It is so much better this way, to have remained in my seat and to know that now we are on the same page. It's good to know that when those hard times come (and I know that they will), we will be working as a team with a united purpose because we made the decision together--each playing their part. We will be a support system together and when that happens, we can accomplish anything!
So as we venture on this adoption journey, we ask that you will pray for us. Pray that God's will be done and that we will have faith to trust that God will provide exactly everything we need to bring this sweet little thing into our family. I personally ask that you be patient in my blogging as we begin the paper chase that will lead us to Russia. It's a lot of hard work, but the end goal is worth it.
As you pray for us, I will pray for you to stay seated, not grab the wheel and to let the driver do the driving. Trust me. I know it's hard, but I promise that it too is worth it!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The Skeleton of Character
Character is not something that you can teach your kids in one day. In fact, I'm pretty sure it will take a life time, but for now, my job is to help show my kids the building blocks of character. Another way I think about this is that right now I am helping piece together the skeleton of character for my children by giving them practice at doing things that display that. Then as they grow older, I will fill in the "meat" of that skeleton. The real stuff of character. Eventually they will no longer need me to teach them character--they will be a person of character themselves. Again, today I give them the practice so that their character habits will become their natural way of living out their life. I instill the habits now so that when they are older, they just do what they've always been taught--be a person of character.
One of the ways that I have my kids practice making choices of character, is by using a "Blessing Chart". I'd show you a picture of this chart, but it's nothing special. It's basically a piece of paper with a bunch of stars on it. Whenever my kids bless somebody by going "above and beyond"--by thinking of someone else's needs above their own, they receive a sticker on their Blessing Chart. We sometimes refer to them as "Random Acts of Kindness". They are rewarded every time I see or hear that they have blessed someone else.
This chart, or reward system, was developed out of my desire to see my kids making choices to do kind things for one another with no desire for repayment. I wanted to see them sneaking around to do kind things for one another like making each other's beds, holding the door open for one another, or giving up something special of theirs for their sibling. Some of my kids are better at this than others. One of my boys is especially good at finding things to do that bless others. One of my other boys can't seem to find anything to do. I have to give him big hints as to what might be a blessing.
I also reward my kids when they have gone into a store or to someone's house and been mindful of their behavior, noise level, etc. When they have left a store or house and they have behaved in such a way that blessed those they were with instead of exasperating them, they receive a reward on their "Blessing Chart". I often say to them as we get out of the car, "Be a blessing!"
So when my kids have finished filling up a chart, they are rewarded with a coupon for a trip to the Dollar Store or a coupon to get an ice cream. Obviously, this is not going to go on forever, but my goal is to keep them blessing others and then eventually it will be their habit.
Is it working? Well, just the other day, I found 2 of my kids upstairs, secretly folding the piles of laundry in my room. Before the "Blessing Chart", that would've never happened. Now, they saw a need, knew it would bless Mommy, and filled it. Sounds like it's working to me. Now I just have to keep it going!
One of the ways that I have my kids practice making choices of character, is by using a "Blessing Chart". I'd show you a picture of this chart, but it's nothing special. It's basically a piece of paper with a bunch of stars on it. Whenever my kids bless somebody by going "above and beyond"--by thinking of someone else's needs above their own, they receive a sticker on their Blessing Chart. We sometimes refer to them as "Random Acts of Kindness". They are rewarded every time I see or hear that they have blessed someone else.
This chart, or reward system, was developed out of my desire to see my kids making choices to do kind things for one another with no desire for repayment. I wanted to see them sneaking around to do kind things for one another like making each other's beds, holding the door open for one another, or giving up something special of theirs for their sibling. Some of my kids are better at this than others. One of my boys is especially good at finding things to do that bless others. One of my other boys can't seem to find anything to do. I have to give him big hints as to what might be a blessing.
I also reward my kids when they have gone into a store or to someone's house and been mindful of their behavior, noise level, etc. When they have left a store or house and they have behaved in such a way that blessed those they were with instead of exasperating them, they receive a reward on their "Blessing Chart". I often say to them as we get out of the car, "Be a blessing!"
So when my kids have finished filling up a chart, they are rewarded with a coupon for a trip to the Dollar Store or a coupon to get an ice cream. Obviously, this is not going to go on forever, but my goal is to keep them blessing others and then eventually it will be their habit.
Is it working? Well, just the other day, I found 2 of my kids upstairs, secretly folding the piles of laundry in my room. Before the "Blessing Chart", that would've never happened. Now, they saw a need, knew it would bless Mommy, and filled it. Sounds like it's working to me. Now I just have to keep it going!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Character
Character. They say that "character counts" and I know that I want my children to have character, but what exactly does that really mean? What does the word "character" mean? In my dictionary it says that character is the total picture of "features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing." Hmm...that made me do some thinking.
When I read that definition, the picture that formulates in my mind is that of a quilt. Every piece is different, but yet works together to form the greater picture. Some of the parts are readily seen, some are just as vital to the quilt, but yet almost unseen, like the thread. In fact, all of the pieces of the quilt would fall apart with out the thread woven throughout and keeping them together. This picture in my head made me think more in-depth about what I want the fabric of my children's lives to be like. To go one step further, it made me start thinking about what I want their thread to look like. Just what exactly is it that will hold my children together? What is it that will weave through their lives and hold all the pieces together?
What will their quilt look like? When people see my children will they see a beautiful quilt of many different colors & soft textures that are woven together, not perfectly, but with love or will they see a nasty, worn out blanket of offensive colors that is falling apart?
So let's apply this to real life. In my mind's eye, I see the fabric of my children being a representation of who they are, especially who they are when no one is looking. I see honesty, integrity, loyalty, kindness, mercy, compassion, courage, leadership...and the list could go on. What I hope is that it is a faith in Jesus that is the thread that weaves that quilt--or their character--together. So what is it that I am doing today to piece that quilt together? How do I sew those pieces of character into my children's lives? Well, I'm not sure that there is one right answer. I think there are many ways to do this and just like each quilt is unique, so will your children be because what you sew into their quilt and how will determine the end product.
Of course, the first place to start with character building is by being an example to your children of what you want them to be. One of the things I want my children to be is compassionate and full of mercy, but admittedly, that does not come easy to me. So I must go against my grain and be that example to my children. I can be very inward focused on our home, but that's not how I want my children to view the world. So when the outside world comes knocking at our door with needs like a neighbor who is without electricity or a family that has just had a baby and needs a meal, what I want to do and what I must do to be that example to my children is in conflict. Honestly, I want to ignore the needs from outside our house, but instead I make that meal or help pay that neighbor's electricity bill (without grumbling!) because it will do more than impact my neighbor or friend. It will impact my children. It will set the ground work of how they will respond when needs come their way. Will they ignore them or embrace them? Recently, when we heard of orphans in Russia who only get one pair of underwear (and it's hand-me-down) per week, it would've been easy to ignore that, but instead I made the time to help my kids collect underwear because I want them to learn how to speak up for the fatherless--the ones who cannot speak up for themselves.
What about honesty? Do you hide things from your children or your spouse? Do you say one thing to your children and then another to your husband? Do you embellish a story here and there? Here's a tough one...do you bark at your children to get in the car for church and then turn on that plastic smile as soon as you enter the church parking lot? Okay, we probably could all say we've done that one a few times, but I ask you, what does that say to your children about honesty? Are you the same person at home as you are in public? I only ask you these questions because I am asking them of myself and feel convicted. I am just as guilty as everyone else. I am far from perfect.
I suppose I could go on and on with character traits and examples, but I think you get the point. What I hope you meditate on today is what character traits matter to you and how are you instilling those in your children? What do the quilts in your house look like today? What about your quilt? Do your children see you working on your personal quilt or do they see your quilt tucked away in a closet somewhere?
When I read that definition, the picture that formulates in my mind is that of a quilt. Every piece is different, but yet works together to form the greater picture. Some of the parts are readily seen, some are just as vital to the quilt, but yet almost unseen, like the thread. In fact, all of the pieces of the quilt would fall apart with out the thread woven throughout and keeping them together. This picture in my head made me think more in-depth about what I want the fabric of my children's lives to be like. To go one step further, it made me start thinking about what I want their thread to look like. Just what exactly is it that will hold my children together? What is it that will weave through their lives and hold all the pieces together?
What will their quilt look like? When people see my children will they see a beautiful quilt of many different colors & soft textures that are woven together, not perfectly, but with love or will they see a nasty, worn out blanket of offensive colors that is falling apart?
So let's apply this to real life. In my mind's eye, I see the fabric of my children being a representation of who they are, especially who they are when no one is looking. I see honesty, integrity, loyalty, kindness, mercy, compassion, courage, leadership...and the list could go on. What I hope is that it is a faith in Jesus that is the thread that weaves that quilt--or their character--together. So what is it that I am doing today to piece that quilt together? How do I sew those pieces of character into my children's lives? Well, I'm not sure that there is one right answer. I think there are many ways to do this and just like each quilt is unique, so will your children be because what you sew into their quilt and how will determine the end product.
Of course, the first place to start with character building is by being an example to your children of what you want them to be. One of the things I want my children to be is compassionate and full of mercy, but admittedly, that does not come easy to me. So I must go against my grain and be that example to my children. I can be very inward focused on our home, but that's not how I want my children to view the world. So when the outside world comes knocking at our door with needs like a neighbor who is without electricity or a family that has just had a baby and needs a meal, what I want to do and what I must do to be that example to my children is in conflict. Honestly, I want to ignore the needs from outside our house, but instead I make that meal or help pay that neighbor's electricity bill (without grumbling!) because it will do more than impact my neighbor or friend. It will impact my children. It will set the ground work of how they will respond when needs come their way. Will they ignore them or embrace them? Recently, when we heard of orphans in Russia who only get one pair of underwear (and it's hand-me-down) per week, it would've been easy to ignore that, but instead I made the time to help my kids collect underwear because I want them to learn how to speak up for the fatherless--the ones who cannot speak up for themselves.
What about honesty? Do you hide things from your children or your spouse? Do you say one thing to your children and then another to your husband? Do you embellish a story here and there? Here's a tough one...do you bark at your children to get in the car for church and then turn on that plastic smile as soon as you enter the church parking lot? Okay, we probably could all say we've done that one a few times, but I ask you, what does that say to your children about honesty? Are you the same person at home as you are in public? I only ask you these questions because I am asking them of myself and feel convicted. I am just as guilty as everyone else. I am far from perfect.
I suppose I could go on and on with character traits and examples, but I think you get the point. What I hope you meditate on today is what character traits matter to you and how are you instilling those in your children? What do the quilts in your house look like today? What about your quilt? Do your children see you working on your personal quilt or do they see your quilt tucked away in a closet somewhere?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Test Drive--Pass or Fail?
Have you ever had one of those moments, as a parent, that freezes for just a moment? A moment long enough to think, "This is a test. I can either respond to this one way and fail miserably--probably end my kid up in counseling some day--or I can respond another way, save the moment and feel like a hero. Hmm...which way will I choose?" Most parenting decisions happen so quickly that we don't have much time to think beyond our instinct response. But every once in while we have one of those diamond moments to think before we act. I'd like to say that my husband and I pass the test every time, but nothing can be further from the truth. We're real people that struggle in the same ways you do.
A few weeks back there were two of those moments that happened on the same day--one to me and one to my husband. We both stood on the brink--thinking, "I can either make or break this moment." For my husband, let me take you back a few steps before he arrived at that pivotal moment. I had recently been working with the kids on doing random acts of kindness for one another. One of my sons was very into this new "kindness thing". I'm not really sure why he goes through spurts and really gets into it, but when he does, I love it! Anyway, he had done so many acts of kindness around the house that he was running out, but yet his desire to do it had not. So he decided to organize my husband's office for him.
Does anyone see the danger signs here? It's especially dangerous because my husband is a "piler". He runs our business out of our home and his method of organizing is by placing everything in piles. He doesn't have the time to be organized beyond his piles so he makes due. The scary thing to me about his piles is that he knows exactly what is in each pile and where in that pile. Kid you not, there have been moments when I have had to play secretary and search through those piles. He has called me on the phone while he's out on the road and asked me to look for something. He has an incredible ability to be able to tell me exactly which pile and how far down the info is that he's looking for. It sounds a little like this, "The little yellow paper will be in the pile 2 stacks over on the right from my computer, but back a little--like back where I keep my keys--it will be about 2/3 of the way down. It should be under the paper that is folded in half." Shockingly, it will be right where he said. I digress, but I had to set the scene so you understood why this was such a pivotal moment for my husband! Back to the child that decided to organize Daddy's office.
As my husband got home from work and stepped into his office, he noticed that things were askew and called out to me, wondering why his office was helter-skelter. My son grasped his moment and ran in to tell his Daddy all about how excited he was to have straightened up his office for him. Right in that frozen moment, my husband had a choice. He could either come unglued at my son for even being in his office, let alone moving things around, or he could push those thoughts aside and see the heart behind what his son had done and thank him for his efforts. For this test, my husband passed. He graciously thanked our son, pointed out the great things he had done, but yet he did take the time to nicely ask him to not organize Daddy's office again.
Shortly after that, I walked in on one of our other sons who had decided to make chocolate milk for the family. There was milk, chocolate syrup, dirty spoons, scrunched up napkins (I think from his attempts at cleaning up after himself) and cups everywhere. It was right at that crazy time of the day when school work needs to be finished, dinner needs to be made and 100 other important things. There was a part of me that wanted to freak out, but since I had the luxury of the moment freezing, I was able to think through that response. I had to deliberately make the choice to let it go. I had to look at his heart. His desire was to make a treat for the family that he could make on his own. Instead of yelling at him, I decided to commend him on what a great idea he had and tell him what a great job he had done. I have this theory that all things can be cleaned and if it's important to me, I don't put it near the kids so that I don't have worry about it breaking. I tell my kids that as long as I don't have to go to the ER today, I'm all good. So what's a little chocolate milk clean up? Because I passed that particular test, my son is now inspired to do an act of kindness for his family again.
As parents, we have the power to encourage our kids toward greatness or squelch those desires. I can give them the courage to try again or shut them down. This verse runs through my head as I write this:
Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Which will it be today? Will I have a frozen moment? Will I choose life or death in regards to how I respond to my kids? What I pray is that I get enough of those frozen moments to practice doing the right thing so that when I don't get a chance to think first and I have to act on instinct--that my instinct is to encourage my children toward greatness.
A few weeks back there were two of those moments that happened on the same day--one to me and one to my husband. We both stood on the brink--thinking, "I can either make or break this moment." For my husband, let me take you back a few steps before he arrived at that pivotal moment. I had recently been working with the kids on doing random acts of kindness for one another. One of my sons was very into this new "kindness thing". I'm not really sure why he goes through spurts and really gets into it, but when he does, I love it! Anyway, he had done so many acts of kindness around the house that he was running out, but yet his desire to do it had not. So he decided to organize my husband's office for him.
Does anyone see the danger signs here? It's especially dangerous because my husband is a "piler". He runs our business out of our home and his method of organizing is by placing everything in piles. He doesn't have the time to be organized beyond his piles so he makes due. The scary thing to me about his piles is that he knows exactly what is in each pile and where in that pile. Kid you not, there have been moments when I have had to play secretary and search through those piles. He has called me on the phone while he's out on the road and asked me to look for something. He has an incredible ability to be able to tell me exactly which pile and how far down the info is that he's looking for. It sounds a little like this, "The little yellow paper will be in the pile 2 stacks over on the right from my computer, but back a little--like back where I keep my keys--it will be about 2/3 of the way down. It should be under the paper that is folded in half." Shockingly, it will be right where he said. I digress, but I had to set the scene so you understood why this was such a pivotal moment for my husband! Back to the child that decided to organize Daddy's office.
As my husband got home from work and stepped into his office, he noticed that things were askew and called out to me, wondering why his office was helter-skelter. My son grasped his moment and ran in to tell his Daddy all about how excited he was to have straightened up his office for him. Right in that frozen moment, my husband had a choice. He could either come unglued at my son for even being in his office, let alone moving things around, or he could push those thoughts aside and see the heart behind what his son had done and thank him for his efforts. For this test, my husband passed. He graciously thanked our son, pointed out the great things he had done, but yet he did take the time to nicely ask him to not organize Daddy's office again.
Shortly after that, I walked in on one of our other sons who had decided to make chocolate milk for the family. There was milk, chocolate syrup, dirty spoons, scrunched up napkins (I think from his attempts at cleaning up after himself) and cups everywhere. It was right at that crazy time of the day when school work needs to be finished, dinner needs to be made and 100 other important things. There was a part of me that wanted to freak out, but since I had the luxury of the moment freezing, I was able to think through that response. I had to deliberately make the choice to let it go. I had to look at his heart. His desire was to make a treat for the family that he could make on his own. Instead of yelling at him, I decided to commend him on what a great idea he had and tell him what a great job he had done. I have this theory that all things can be cleaned and if it's important to me, I don't put it near the kids so that I don't have worry about it breaking. I tell my kids that as long as I don't have to go to the ER today, I'm all good. So what's a little chocolate milk clean up? Because I passed that particular test, my son is now inspired to do an act of kindness for his family again.
As parents, we have the power to encourage our kids toward greatness or squelch those desires. I can give them the courage to try again or shut them down. This verse runs through my head as I write this:
Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Which will it be today? Will I have a frozen moment? Will I choose life or death in regards to how I respond to my kids? What I pray is that I get enough of those frozen moments to practice doing the right thing so that when I don't get a chance to think first and I have to act on instinct--that my instinct is to encourage my children toward greatness.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Love Signs
Love signs. Do you have them? We do in our family. They are little gestures or looks that we use to communicate with one another from across a room. Some moms (even myself) have mastered the "death look" and her kids know her intended message, but this is not the kind I'm talking about. I'm talking about the kind that lets your love for one another shine.
One of the ways that we have done this is by flashing the sign language for "I love you" when we cannot talk, but want to pass on our love message. For example, when my husband drives away to work in the morning, we sign "I love you". In my friend's family, they also add a little "Gotcha" game element to it. When they show "the sign", they shout (or mouth) "gotcha" to see who can do it the fastest.
While on our real road trip this past week, my littlest son brought to life a new love sign to our family--winking. I've winked at my kids before, but didn't really think much about it, but apparently he had been watching and trying to copy me. When I stop to really think about it, it makes me feel special when I realize that someone is winking at me so he must have felt that way too and wanted to pass it on. All week, he worked on his winking. It was the most hysterical thing to watch his face get all contorted up and try to pass on his love message to me. At least he was past the blinking (or double winking) thing, he could actually control only one eye, but it was with much effort. It took quite an effort, on my part, to not bust up laughing at him because I knew that would crush his spirit. His heart was in the right place so I buttoned my lip and winked right back at him.
I love these gestures of love that we have for one another. Sometimes that wink or that sign for "I love you" can be just the right thing to make my day. How could I not smile, no matter how bad things are, when my children are trying to communicate their love for me? On the flip side, not being a very touchy person, I love these signs because I don't have to touch anyone, but yet my message is sent. I also have to work on making sure that I am also sending these messages and not just receiving them. These are just the things to make me stop and make sure that I've told my kids that "I love them" each and every day.
What about you? In your family, do you have something special or secret that you do that is for "family only"? Do you have a tradition that displays your love? If not, start small--anything that will communicate to one another a positive message. Oh ya...and don't forget the driver. He needs to get that special look too...
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Alone Time with the Front Seat
As I ready our home for a family adventure this week--a real road trip, I thought I'd share a simple thing with you that we do in our home. I won't post again until the weekend since I'll be having fun elsewhere!
Living in a large family, it can often be hard for my kids to get a spare moment with me or my husband alone. We also struggle with the fact that we would like to do family devotions, but can't ever seem to get it together enough to do it. So in an effort to fix both of these problems we started a new tradition in our house. I'd like to say this idea was pro-active parenting, but really it was re-active parenting so that's why our magic age for this is 6--because my daughter was 6-years-old when the idea finally dawned on us.
When our children reach the age of six, they travel through the rite-of-passage that allows them to stay up late one night per week. All of the other kids go to bed at the regular time, but that one child gets to stay up late with the parent of the same sex. My daughter stays up late with me and my sons stay up with Daddy.
During that time, they get to do two things. Every night is different, but they generally do a devotional of some sort with us and then they get to do an activity with us. Usually the boys play a video game with Daddy or he teaches them how to fix something. We have a special box in my husband's office that is filled with things that need to be fixed. They will get that out and pick certain items to be worked on that night. My daughter and I will either go shopping (because running errands with only one child is much more pleasurable), knit or some type of other crafty thing.
One of our favorite things we like to use for devotional purposes is the books by Jennie Bishop. Her books are "The Princess and the Kiss" and "The Squire and the Scroll". Each is great as a stand-alone, but they also have "Life Lessons" that have devotionals to go along with the book. Also, there are coloring books as a companion.
Although there are some nights that I can barely stay awake for this time with my daughter or sometimes I am "D-O-N-E" for the day, I am glad for the time alone with my daughter. It gives her a time each week that she can talk to me about the things that get lost in the shuffle of the daily grind because she can tell that I am not in a position to really listen to her. As much as some days I don't really want anyone around after 8:00pm, I can testify that my daughter (and her brothers too) look forward to the night that they stay up late. Usually at least one of my sons has a count down as to how much longer until they get to stay up late with Daddy. So because we know how much they love this time, we continue on our "tradition" of staying up late and giving them a piece of us because they deserve it. They deserve to have time alone--to learn and to just relax alongside us.
Living in a large family, it can often be hard for my kids to get a spare moment with me or my husband alone. We also struggle with the fact that we would like to do family devotions, but can't ever seem to get it together enough to do it. So in an effort to fix both of these problems we started a new tradition in our house. I'd like to say this idea was pro-active parenting, but really it was re-active parenting so that's why our magic age for this is 6--because my daughter was 6-years-old when the idea finally dawned on us.
When our children reach the age of six, they travel through the rite-of-passage that allows them to stay up late one night per week. All of the other kids go to bed at the regular time, but that one child gets to stay up late with the parent of the same sex. My daughter stays up late with me and my sons stay up with Daddy.
During that time, they get to do two things. Every night is different, but they generally do a devotional of some sort with us and then they get to do an activity with us. Usually the boys play a video game with Daddy or he teaches them how to fix something. We have a special box in my husband's office that is filled with things that need to be fixed. They will get that out and pick certain items to be worked on that night. My daughter and I will either go shopping (because running errands with only one child is much more pleasurable), knit or some type of other crafty thing.
One of our favorite things we like to use for devotional purposes is the books by Jennie Bishop. Her books are "The Princess and the Kiss" and "The Squire and the Scroll". Each is great as a stand-alone, but they also have "Life Lessons" that have devotionals to go along with the book. Also, there are coloring books as a companion.
Although there are some nights that I can barely stay awake for this time with my daughter or sometimes I am "D-O-N-E" for the day, I am glad for the time alone with my daughter. It gives her a time each week that she can talk to me about the things that get lost in the shuffle of the daily grind because she can tell that I am not in a position to really listen to her. As much as some days I don't really want anyone around after 8:00pm, I can testify that my daughter (and her brothers too) look forward to the night that they stay up late. Usually at least one of my sons has a count down as to how much longer until they get to stay up late with Daddy. So because we know how much they love this time, we continue on our "tradition" of staying up late and giving them a piece of us because they deserve it. They deserve to have time alone--to learn and to just relax alongside us.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
A Powerful Engine
Prayer. It is such a simple thing, but greatly underestimated. People say, "I feel so helpless because all I can do is pray." I used to say that too, but now I realize that prayer is the most powerful thing that I can do. It is the most powerful tool that I have as a parent, but yet I think that the population at large misses out on utilizing it. What about you? Do you pray for your children on a regular basis?
I'd like to say that I've always been good at praying for my children--in fact I'd love to tell you that I am now an expert on it, but that would be a lie. I'm a simple mom, just like you, that has only begun scratching the surface of the power of my prayers. I have been praying for my husband for years, but didn't really know where to start with my kids. It just seemed like the impact of my prayers for him were more tangible. For my kids, it's like...well, it just seemed like the fruit is so far off and there is so much to pray for that I didn't even know where to begin. Silly me! What was I thinking? Just like I don't want to leave my husband's life to chance, so it is the same with my children. It has been because of the answers to prayer in his life and because of my increased study about what God's Word says about prayer in the last few years, I have begun to pray diligently for my children. I believe it is the best gift that I can give them.
It hit me one day that if I am not praying for my children then who is? I don't want to look back with "what ifs" and wonder if I had prayed for my children, if things would've turn out differently. So I took these thoughts and turned them into action. I found it very helpful to use "The Power of a Praying Wife" book by Stormie O'Martian as a jump start for praying for my husband, so why not try "The Power of a Praying Parent"? There are so many resources out there for this so it doesn't really matter what you choose, just choose something and get started praying! I began with a 30-day format and I still do it to this day. Each day I pray a different chapter for my children, but as I pray through that chapter, I merely use it as a guide. My brains takes off from there.
I've also found it beneficial to use scripture to pray over particular areas of my children's lives--in fact, I've found this to apply across the board to all of my prayers. I use Jesus' example in scripture when He is tempted by Satan and He uses scripture to defeat him. This began a quest in me to know more scripture readily so that I can effectively use scripture to cover my children and to fight off those thoughts in my head that try to tell me how much I stink at parenting. I use my new found knowledge to focus on the truth of God's Word and not on the facts of my life. God is a big God and He is in the business of doing amazing things--I just need to ask.
James 5:16b - "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
Psalm 34:15 - "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry."
Psalm 116:1-2 - "I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!"
These verses are barely scratching the surface of how God feels about us praying to Him. These are some of my favorites because I love knowing that someone cares enough to be attentive and listen to me. Even though I can go a million places and be with people all day, I can still come to the end of my day and still feel like I have not truly been heard. It increases my desire to pray when I know that God delights to hear from me. Then it I realize that if He delights to hear from me, then He most certainly delights to answer my prayers. So I know that I can bring my concerns and desires for my children to Him and have confidence that I have been heard. After all, they are His children and He wants me to come to Him with their needs.
Recently, I've also found it effective to spend time praying more specifically for each day. Not just about the big stuff and the future stuff, but for the daily needs of my kids. As I struggle with whether God really wants to hear about my piddly concerns, I have to fall back on His Word to remind me that He does care about the day in and day out. He knows that I am frustrated with the squabbling of my kids and wants me to tell Him about it. He knows that I feel like we are stuck in some of the areas of our life and I need to tell Him how I feel about that. He knows what is on my heart. He knows my every thought. In fact, I love it when I can go to Him and tattle on someone--even my kids. Sometimes it just feels better to let out my true feelings about something and know that I am going to the "Ultimate Problem Solver".
Of all the things you have to do today in your role as a Mom, I encourage you to do the simplest, but yet the most powerful thing--pray for your children today. If you don't know where to start, grab a book or go on the internet and find some resource to get you started. Your children cannot afford to go another day without your prayers. Who knows your children better than you do? Who else can pray for specific things about your children like you? No one. You are the one God placed here to intercede for your children--now get on it, Girlfriend!
I'd like to say that I've always been good at praying for my children--in fact I'd love to tell you that I am now an expert on it, but that would be a lie. I'm a simple mom, just like you, that has only begun scratching the surface of the power of my prayers. I have been praying for my husband for years, but didn't really know where to start with my kids. It just seemed like the impact of my prayers for him were more tangible. For my kids, it's like...well, it just seemed like the fruit is so far off and there is so much to pray for that I didn't even know where to begin. Silly me! What was I thinking? Just like I don't want to leave my husband's life to chance, so it is the same with my children. It has been because of the answers to prayer in his life and because of my increased study about what God's Word says about prayer in the last few years, I have begun to pray diligently for my children. I believe it is the best gift that I can give them.
It hit me one day that if I am not praying for my children then who is? I don't want to look back with "what ifs" and wonder if I had prayed for my children, if things would've turn out differently. So I took these thoughts and turned them into action. I found it very helpful to use "The Power of a Praying Wife" book by Stormie O'Martian as a jump start for praying for my husband, so why not try "The Power of a Praying Parent"? There are so many resources out there for this so it doesn't really matter what you choose, just choose something and get started praying! I began with a 30-day format and I still do it to this day. Each day I pray a different chapter for my children, but as I pray through that chapter, I merely use it as a guide. My brains takes off from there.
I've also found it beneficial to use scripture to pray over particular areas of my children's lives--in fact, I've found this to apply across the board to all of my prayers. I use Jesus' example in scripture when He is tempted by Satan and He uses scripture to defeat him. This began a quest in me to know more scripture readily so that I can effectively use scripture to cover my children and to fight off those thoughts in my head that try to tell me how much I stink at parenting. I use my new found knowledge to focus on the truth of God's Word and not on the facts of my life. God is a big God and He is in the business of doing amazing things--I just need to ask.
James 5:16b - "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
Psalm 34:15 - "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry."
Psalm 116:1-2 - "I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!"
These verses are barely scratching the surface of how God feels about us praying to Him. These are some of my favorites because I love knowing that someone cares enough to be attentive and listen to me. Even though I can go a million places and be with people all day, I can still come to the end of my day and still feel like I have not truly been heard. It increases my desire to pray when I know that God delights to hear from me. Then it I realize that if He delights to hear from me, then He most certainly delights to answer my prayers. So I know that I can bring my concerns and desires for my children to Him and have confidence that I have been heard. After all, they are His children and He wants me to come to Him with their needs.
Recently, I've also found it effective to spend time praying more specifically for each day. Not just about the big stuff and the future stuff, but for the daily needs of my kids. As I struggle with whether God really wants to hear about my piddly concerns, I have to fall back on His Word to remind me that He does care about the day in and day out. He knows that I am frustrated with the squabbling of my kids and wants me to tell Him about it. He knows that I feel like we are stuck in some of the areas of our life and I need to tell Him how I feel about that. He knows what is on my heart. He knows my every thought. In fact, I love it when I can go to Him and tattle on someone--even my kids. Sometimes it just feels better to let out my true feelings about something and know that I am going to the "Ultimate Problem Solver".
Of all the things you have to do today in your role as a Mom, I encourage you to do the simplest, but yet the most powerful thing--pray for your children today. If you don't know where to start, grab a book or go on the internet and find some resource to get you started. Your children cannot afford to go another day without your prayers. Who knows your children better than you do? Who else can pray for specific things about your children like you? No one. You are the one God placed here to intercede for your children--now get on it, Girlfriend!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Side-Lined Navigator
This Navigator has been side-lined by a headache the size of Texas. She will return to the road tomorrow (she hopes). :)
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