What Is a Gift?

As I came around the corner, I found my Littlest One putting a bag of unopened Cool Ranch Doritos into a gift bag and getting ready to stuff in some tissue paper to finish up his wrapping job. Luckily, I had one of those "frozen moments" so I was able to think about what came out of my mouth next and in what tone of voice. Curiously, I asked my Littlest One, "What 'cha doin', Boo?"

His response, "I'm wrapping up a gift for Daddy. He really likes these so I wanted to give them to him." It was so natural. It never occurred to him that taking the unopened chips from the pantry was not really considered a gift. Or is it? As I've reflected on that moment, I've come to the conclusion that maybe my initial thoughts were wrong. If the heart of my son is to give his Daddy a bag of unopened Cool Ranch Doritos (his favorite kind) because he knows he'll love it, then who am I to stand in his way? Now, my husband might wonder why there are no chips around for his midnight snack for the next few nights, but eventually he'll figure it out and hopefully he'll see the heart of the giver behind it. Maybe I'll prep him before Christmas morning...

Each year as Christmas approaches and finances are always tight, I've thought many times about this concept of what defines a gift. Should we buy or make gifts? I know we all want to receive something store-bought that we really want and honestly, sometimes we can feel cheated when all we get are baked goods or something homemade. I hate that those thoughts go through my head, but if I take the time to remember that it's about the heart of the giver, then I become much more appreciative of what I receive and it helps me to give gifts from my (or our family's) heart. How is it that as an adult, who knows better, I still have to remind myself about the meaning of Christmas?

Each year, I have to work all of these thoughts through my head as I help my children prepare for Christmas. I want my children to view Christmas as an opportunity to give from their heart to those they love. It's even better if I can get them to see beyond that and give generously to someone outside our family.

In the past, we have had each of our children draw the name of a sibling to buy a gift for. We have given them some money to go to Target and buy their sibling a gift. However, this year with all of our adoption expenses, we couldn't do that and I was a little worried about how that would go over. To be honest, it has been incredible to watch my children embrace the idea. They did not hesitate to bust out our craft books, lock themselves behind a closed door and make something for their sibling that they thought they would like. They worked and worked on these and I have been impressed with what they have chosen. It is such a reflection of how well they know one another. For example, Selfish-One had to make a gift for The Talker. The Talker absolutely loves bats. Selfish-One, made a mobile made of bats that were made from an egg carton, string and a stick from the backyard. Very creative! Personally, I would consider it trash (since it was made from trash), but I know that The Talker will think this is the greatest thing to hit his planet and he want us to hang it above his bed so that he can proudly display it.

Sometimes it can be so easy to get caught up in the "buying of gifts" that we forget to see that sometimes the best gifts are nestled right under our nose, if we take the time to see that a gift is merely in the eye of the beholder--or the heart of the giver. I'm pretty sure that this will be a Christmas that my children remember...I know I will since it has become my favorite since I've had the pleasure of seeing the true heart of my children.

Proof of Purpose

Just this week, I had a little trip down memory lane. Remember that post I did called "Backseat Purpose"? It was about how your children need to feel more than loved. They need to feel that they are needed and have a purpose in your home.

Well, I was thinking about that concept as I watched in amazement as my 5-year-old made lunch for us 2 days in a row. My dad asked if he made the lunch because he wanted something specific for lunch. No, I don't believe that was it. I think it was because he saw a need and filled it. He saw me swimming in Christmas chaos and adoption paperwork and knew that if he was going to get lunch anytime soon, he'd better pitch in. Here's a picture to prove it, although the look on his face makes it obvious that he did NOT want me to take his picture. I can't say that it was the best PB&J I had ever had, but it became the best one I had ever tasted simply because his heart behind making it was so sweet.

During this flurry of Christmas things to do, it can be so tempting to turn on a video so that your kids will leave you alone while you check things off your list. Instead of deciding that your kids are in the way and can't help, I hope you will take the extra time it takes to involve your children in what you are doing. Yes, I know it's not easy, you won't get as much done, and your end results will not be perfect, but think about the long-term impact on your kids. I bet they'll remember these times with you and chances are that since you took the time to teach them today, it's all the sooner that they will be of real help to you because you taught them a new skill.

Egg Noggin

Just a little laugh from our home to yours. We broke out the egg nog tonight and our kids began talking about whether they remembered it from last year or not and if they liked it. Some of our kids were not sure about this egg nog thing. This is a snippet of that conversation:

Child - "Daddy, what's egg nog again? I forget."
Daddy - "It's where we crack open some eggs and then pour them into your noggin via your nose. Do you remember that?"
Child - "What? I don't remember that."
Daddy - "Of course you do. Mommy, someone at the end of the table looks ready for his egg noggin. Do you think you could hold him down while I pour the eggs in his nose?"
Mommy - "Uhh...no, I think I better do the pouring this year since he's grown bigger."

All children sit at the table wide-eyed, wondering if we're really serious. Meanwhile I get up and pull out the real egg nog. There was quite a bit of relief around the table when they saw that carton of egg nog!

I thought the above conversation was funny, but it became even funnier when, for the rest of the night, they kept referring to it as egg noggin. I honestly don't think they even realized their error, but hey...why not start a new tradition. Egg Noggin anyone?

The Treasure Box

As I sat with my kids the other day and asked them to finish the sentence, "My favorite thing about Christmas is...", I was shocked yet, overjoyed to hear them say that a well thought out tradition we had started was now their favorite thing about Christmas.

It was a few Christmases back when I happened to stumble upon a few velvet boxes that were on clearance. They looked just like what I imagined that the wise men brought their gifts to baby Jesus in. I just couldn't pass them up, yet I had to get my creative juices flowing to figure out how to use them. They were too good to just sit and collect dust as a decoration.

Those bargain boxes began what has become the tradition that my children look forward to the most. Instead of stockings from Santa, we place the velvet boxes on the fireplace and throughout the Christmas season, my children fill their box with their gifts for Jesus. The gifts range from money to treasured trinkets to pieces of artwork. The sky is the limit with their boxes--sometimes even the things they make do not fit in their box, but we work it out.

On Christmas morning, our children wake up to find that their offerings are gone and have now been replaced by a birthday candle (for the cake on Christmas day) and a letter from Jesus. Those notes are written by my husband and I late on Christmas Eve from Jesus' perspective. In a perfect world, we'd have them done earlier, but...well, it's crazy here at Christmas! So we write these letters about each of them and try to focus on things that we see improved over the last year or maybe things we'd like to see cultivated in their lives. We try to have our emphasis be on character, not just things they've accomplished like, "You are a good soccer player." We want to reinforce who they are as a person, not just what skills they possess. I have saved each one of those letters and the "gifts" they have given, because as they grow older, I want them to have a record of how we felt about them and to see how their offerings matured as they got older.

It's obvious to me that those simple, velvet boxes have become true treasure boxes to my children, but I cannot wait for them to grow older, read the letters from years past and truly grasp what a treasure those letters and boxes are and then in turn to realize that they--my children--are the true treasure.

Traditions--Why We Do What We Do

Have you ever taken the time to think about the traditions you celebrate? I mean, why do you celebrate each tradition? Is it just what you've always done or is there significance to it?

Previous to having children, I didn't put much thought into "tradition". I just followed the ways of my family, doing what we've always done, but when our children came along it put my brain into high-gear. As we approached each holiday, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, my husband and I would have numerous discussions about how it just seemed like we went through the motions and each holiday was exactly the same with no apparent meaning. Every waking moment would be usurped by our extended family, having strained conversations, great-grandpa watching football way too loud, grandpa deciding (every year) to take a shower at 1:55 pm when we were trying to eat lunch at 2:00 pm (right in middle of nap time which made grumpy children) and then when we finally got the kids down for a nap in an unfamiliar place, someone would inevitably walk into the room they were sleeping in, saying they were looking for something, and wake them up--cinching the deal on grumpy children. The best part was when they would then look at us like we had beastly children. So you see now why we had many conversations about why in the world we were doing what we were doing.

I think most parents want to establish something to do each year that is the same. Some choose to do things that they've always done and want to continue regardless of the meaning behind it. We, however, decided to think through every thing that we did for the holidays, rock the boat and do what we felt was the best way to celebrate for our immediate family in the long run. We wanted our kids to remember the whys of what we did and to be able to spend time at home together. That first year that we decided to change things...well, let's just say that it was not well received. That was one of those moments that I was all too eager to allow my husband to stand up for our family and be the head of our home. It's been a few years now and our changes seem to be accepted, but it hasn't been easy to stand our ground and fight for what we think is the best choice for our children.

One of the biggest things to us was that we wanted to be able to be home for Christmas morning. We wanted to be able to get up at a leisurely pace, not on someone else's schedule, and open our gifts in our pajamas. The reality is that our children are up before the sun, but at least we have the freedom to do that! We also wanted to be able to sit around and enjoy the gifts that were given and have time to put them together. Mainly, my husband builds 1000 piece Lego sets for our boys and I do the easier things like wrestle the toys out of their packaging and put batteries in.

We have also put a lot of thought into the food we eat and when. Now why is it that we have to eat turkey, mashed potatoes and green bean bake each year at 2:00pm? Why can't we eat at a normal lunch hour? Since our children know that Santa was truly a man from the 3rd century that was called St. Nicholas and it is not him who we celebrate--that it's Jesus' birth we celebrate, we decided to convert our turkey-eating-holiday into a birthday party. Each year on Christmas, my children each get to pick a food that they would like to offer as their gift to Jesus at His birthday meal. We usually end up eating a modge podge of food like chicken nuggets, marshmallows, bagels with cream cheese, fruit salad and a birthday cake. It's not exactly a nutritious meal, but on that one day, it doesn't matter. It's about offering our best (or favorite) to the King.

After we're done celebrating together as a family and we've had a good nap, that's when we head over to the home of extended family. We're much more "ourselves" when we've grounded ourselves in meditating on the true meaning of Christmas, family time and good nap. Maybe it's not what's "always been done", but now we find that the time with our extended family is much more enjoyable.

As we are in the midst of the holiday season, I encourage you to break the mold. Think through why you do what you do, talk with your spouse and do whatever it takes to put your family first. Make decisions based on how you want to celebrate--not on how everyone else thinks you should celebrate. Just don't tell anyone where you got this rebellious streak or I might get into a lot of trouble with your family! :)

Accidental Traditions

So is everyone ready for Christmas? I'm not! For some reason I just can't seem to get into it the season yet, but just the other night when my family piled into the car in their pajamas and grabbed their hot chocolate, I got a little jolt in the right direction.

As we drove around looking at Christmas lights, with the windows wide open and the hot drinks to keep us warm, I couldn't help but get a tear in my eye as I realized that this had become one of our traditions. You see, this is the first year that we actually have a daddy and husband around for the Christmas season. The very nature of our business has meant that the busy season is when churches put on their stage productions--Christmas and Easter. We've had to do some wrestling with what is a "tradition" and being okay with not always celebrating on the same day as everyone else. This year our own business has become our secondary income and now my husband works full time at our church. So we have him around this time. Yeah!

A lot of our traditions have been well thought out, but some have just fallen into place simply because of our lifestyle. As I drove around in the car looking at those Christmas lights the other night, I began to realize that some of the traditions that have stuck the most, are the ones that weren't intentional. The spontaneous jump into the car with jammies and hot chocolate is one of those. In the past, my husband wouldn't know what end was up during the holiday season so when he had a spare few hours, the above tradition is what we'd do. Driving around and looking at Christmas lights (but without the hot chocolate and pajamas) was also what would save my life (and my children's lives) many times over the years. When I had four children under four and it was "the season" with no husband around, looking at lights was sometimes the only thing that got us through until bedtime. We still enjoy hopping in the car and going on a "light hunt."

Due to my husband's schedule we learned over the years that if the Christmas stuff was gonna get up and the lights put on the house, then we'd have to do it on Thanksgiving. I still clearly remember the year that we figured out this gem-of-an-idea and there stood my husband in need of one more set of lights or something like that. He drove all over town trying to find a store, any store, that was open on Thanksgiving so he could finish putting up the lights. I'm pretty sure that if 7-11 had sold Christmas lights, he would've bought them there since they never close! So what if we were the first ones in the neighborhood to have our Christmas lights on and decorations out. It's better than not at all and we sure have gotten maximum enjoyment out of them! Thus began the tradition that still continues today.

Another one would be buying the Christmas tree during the last few days before Christmas. Of course by the time we got the opportunity to buy a tree, everyone else in America was proudly displaying theirs. However, I have learned the great benefit to waiting. My tree is usually still alive on Christmas, thereby reducing a fire hazard. I also don't have to get down on my hands and knees to water it as long as everyone else! That just might be worth it right there! Reason #2 is that we also get a great price. I am usually able to get the Noble Fir that I really want and not the $20 one at the grocery store. Now that I have the choice, I'll probably continue our "accidental tradition".

So what about you? What "accidental traditions" do you have? What are you doing today to create memories worth repeating for your children?