Head Banging

Sometimes I feel like I am banging my head against the wall. Sometimes I feel like my efforts to teach one child in particular is a wasted effort and I question if she'll ever get it. I confess that as a result of this daily head banging, I can lose my cool. Many people have told me that I am a patient person, but my daily ritual makes me think those people didn't know what they were talking about.

You see, Daughter of Purpose (and The Talker can be this way too) can make me go past just wanting to scream out in frustration, instead I find myself actually yelling! (Gasp! I know it's a shocker.) I know that Daughter of Purpose has only been with us 10 months, but she's incredibly bright and has mastered the English language already. Not only does she speak only English now, but she has incredible comprehension too. Just the other day a car with very loud music drove by and she turned to me and said, "He better turn down that music or he is going to be deaf!" I think she's got it.

So day after day when I go over the same basic concepts with her-sometimes multiple times per day-and there is no modification in her behavior, it can cause me to be very impatient. Here are some of the things that are quite simple, but for some reason she cannot master. When she has food in her mouth, she is to be sitting down because I fear that with her unstable legs she will fall and choke, she is not to talk with food in her mouth, and when I ask her to do something she is to do it right away. Contrary to timeliness she generally manages to get lost on the way and forgets what I originally asked her to do.

Well in the midst of my impatience (it's just a constant state for me at this point), I was reminded again about the passage in Matthew where Jesus comes back from a long day of ministry and he was very tired. I imagine He felt very much like I do at the end of each day--exhausted. But instead of responding in irritation like I do, He responded with compassion and felt sorry for them. If only I could do that. This particular day in my reading, God took this lesson one step further for me.

It started out innocently enough. I was just doing my yearly Bible reading plan and happened upon this scripture in Romans 7 about how I want to do right, but I can't seem to do right because of the power of sin.

Romans 7:15 - "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do."

So it got me started thinking about how I too struggle with "getting it right" sometimes. I am far from perfect. The next thing I know I've landed on Psalm 145:8.

"The Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love."

Could it not be more clear to me that I am just as much a repeat offender as my daughter? I can only imagine what God must think when I don't seem to get it and keep repeating my mistakes over and over again. Does God bang His head against the wall of heaven when I seem to have amnesia? No, I don't think He does and for that I am grateful. God's word says that He is SLOW TO GET ANGRY. Okay, I am convicted. In my humanness I lack the patience my daughter needs me to have, but as Romans 8:26 is so gracious in pointing out to me...the only way I will be able to get over my sin and to be more like Him in my responses is with His Holy Spirit that "helps us in our weaknesses." Boy am I ever glad that Jesus left us The Comforter. How would I ever survive?

Daily I must admit that I am not able to live this life that God has entrusted to me. People often ask how I can do 5 kids. Well the honest answer is that I can't. It sounds so corny, but it is my real answer. It is only by the Holy Spirit--God's power working in me that I am able to be the mom my children need me to be--patient, kind, compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. I imagine I'm just like any other mom regardless of how many children she has--some days I get it right and some days I don't, but I do certainly wake up every day aiming to try to do the best that I can do with the strength that God gives. May today be one of those days that I choose to walk in the spirit instead of my flesh because my children need me to not be "Super Mom", but instead the "Good Enough Mom"--that one that dusted off and tried again each day and gave it her best effort because God in Heaven is SLOW TO GET ANGRY.

Should-itis Will Be Back

I will return to "Should-itis", but I felt compelled to write about something that happened this week before it got too far from my mind.

Should-itis Symptoms

Following are some, but certainly not all of the symptoms for Should-itis. If you think that you many suffer from Should-itis, you should consult your Maker.


1) Wondering to yourself what God was thinking when He gave you this child to raise.

2) Crying out to God for much wisdom as to how to raise this child because you are sure you're not equipped to do it.

3) Comparing your child to others.

4) When you really stop to listen to yourself, you realize that the word "should" is used more often than not in your vocabulary. As in, "He SHOULD be able to get his school work done without me holding his hand."

5) Having moments when you look at your child and see that the light is on, but wonder if anyone is home.

6) Daily you go head-to-head with your child and feel that you just don't understand them.

7) It becomes a normal feeling to want to pull out your hair.

This is not an exhaustive list of the symptoms and you don't necessarily have to have all of these symptoms to suffer from Should-itis. Only a few could be a clue you need to seek help. Don't worry, I've gone through this trial and will be here to help you, but again, you should consult The Counselor.

To be continued...the diagnosis.

Confession

I need to tell you something I've never shared on this blog before. I just haven't been brave enough to share it with many people, I'm gonna put it out there today. I am a survivor of Should-itis. I have battled it for many years now, but it is currently in remission. I haven't been declared "free" of it yet and maybe never will be. I'm sure it will return, but for now I am enjoying where I am at.

What? You don't know what Should-itis is? You've never heard of it? Hmm...well, maybe I should explain it to you because I really can't be the only one out there struggling to overcome Should-itis. I bet once I explain it to you, you'll notice some of the symptoms of Should-itis in your life.

To be continued...symptoms to follow.

Water

Well, I don't usually do a promo for a product, but I fear I must. I am so pleased with these new water bottles we purchased for our family that I must share it with you! In an effort to encourage my kids to drink lots of water, I have tried lots of different things. We've got water bottles of every type around here and hundreds of cups. My dishwasher is FULL every night! We've even tried marking them in different manners. We've put their names on them, color coded them and also tried making personalized "bracelets" for each one. But now...

I am in love with these water bottles by *Contigo*. They hold plenty of water, are easy to use, seal well, are durable, have a clip for easy carrying and I can even throw them in the dishwasher! When I went on-line to find a picture, I even found out that if a lid breaks, we can replace just the lid! Good info to know around here. I was even excited that there were plenty of colors to choose from so that each person has their own favorite color. My kids must like them too because they are carrying them everywhere they go and are drinking lots of water. Perfect! By the way, we bought them at C*stco.