Scripture Prayers - Siblings

Today I found myself searching out a prayer for my children that relates to siblings and their relationships with one another. Maybe it's because I have no gauge for what is normal in sibling relationships so any amount of bickering and I am driven to my knees asking the Lord to give me some insight and for Him to fill in the gaps where I lack. Begging Him to show them how to get along. More on my sibling thoughts later this week...

Lord, may my children understand that their sibling relationships are the jumping point for the purpose You have in mind for their life. Our family is the place in which you have given them to learn how to get along with others. Teach them that the greatest among them will be a servant and that if they are faithful in the training ground of our family, you will be pleased and entrust them with much bigger things in life. Make our home a good and pleasant place, where brothers and sisters live together in unity.

This prayer was written with the many things I have swirling around in my mind that I am learning about siblings, but the main ideas stemmed from Matthew 23:11-12, Matthew 25:21 and Psalm 133:1.

Holiday Baking

I've written before about our holiday tradition of gathering with some family friends to make pies. My children absolutely love this, however I am intimidated by pies. I tend to be the picture taker and let them learn from my friend, Mo, who is a master pie maker. Here are some pictures of the process to enjoy . Since I am pie-deficient, I have included one of our favorite Fall recipes instead. Hope it warms your home, like it does ours.

Pumpkin Chocolate Scones

4 cups whole wheat flour

4 tsp baking powder

1 1/4 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp allspice

1 tsp flaxseed, ground

1 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground cloves

1 tsp salt

3/4 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cup honey

2 eggs, well beaten

2 cups pumpkin

2 cups chocolate chips

Cinnamon-Sugar mixture:

3 tsp cinnamon

4 tablespoons raw organic sugar

Heat the oven to 375 degrees. Lightly grease 2 cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, ginger, allspice, flaxseed, cinnamon, cloves, and salt. Set aside.

Using an electric mixer on medium speed, cream the butter until it's fluffy, then slowly add in the honey. Once it's blended in, add the eggs and pumpkin. Now slowly mix in the dry ingredients.

Stir in the chocolate chips by hand, then use a tablespoon to drop the mixture onto cookie sheets, leaving 2 inches between each scone. With the back of the spoon (my daughter uses her fingers), flatten the scones.

In a small bowl, stir together the cinnamon-sugar mixture and sprinkle it on top of each scone. We have left this step off before and it was fine.

Bake the scones for 8-12 minutes, until golden brown. Let them cool for 5 minutes on the cookie sheets, then use a spatula to move them to a wire rack to cool for 10 more minutes.

I am Thankful...

As I sit here thinking about what to write on this Thanksgiving Eve, I can't help but take the time to reflect on what I am grateful for. I fear it may be forgotten in the fury of hosting both sides of the family for the holiday. I have challenged myself to go beyond the generic thank yous. These are not in order by any means, just as they flow from my mind.

I started out my day by listening to a powerful message and it reminded me that the rest of the world lives on $2/day. We look at them as if they are odd, but the reality is that we Americans are the odd ones. We say we are broke, but in reality we are nowhere near broke. Even when we have no money in our pockets, we still have much. For that, I am thankful. I am thankful for the bounty He has given me.

I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful that he is my best friend, a great husband, a good father and that he makes sure our marriage stays spicy! I am thankful that he knows me so well, even my flaws and still continues to love me. I am thankful that he believes in me more than I believe in myself--he is the wind beneath my wings. I am thankful that he works so hard to make sure I feel loved and to keep the lines of communication open. I am thankful that he loves what he does and works so hard to provide for our family. I am thankful he has a job and that it brings in a steady income.

I am thankful for my children. I am thankful for all of their shoes and toys that I trip over while walking through my home because it means that I have them--children. Many people in the world would give anything to have a child and I am fortunate enough to have a quiver full. I am thankful that for all of their dirty clothes I must wash because it means they have a choice of clothing to wear each day.

I am thankful for the character of my children and how their personalites are so different. They bring me joy and laughter. They challenge me and make me dependent on my Lord. They teach me things I never knew before because I did not have siblings. They flesh out the stuff of me that I need to change and are ever-patient with me when I am a less-than-stellar mom. There is nothing like one of their hugs, kisses or whispers of their love for me. I love those moments when I finally sit down on the couch and they fight over who is going to sit next to me because they all want the best seat in the house--the one next to mom. Sometimes I grumble about those moments because they always want me to rub their back, but when I really think about it...I am thankful I have their backs to rub.

I am thankful for good health--in myself, my husband and my children. I am thankful that in those rare moments that we do get sick, we bounce back and it's not life-threatening. I am thankful that we have one another to comfort each other in our sickness. I am thankful for kleenex to wipe noses, band-aids to cover wounds and that medicine is readily available if we need it.

I am thankful for extended family--that the majority of them live in town. What a blessing to be able to rely on one another or to just "pop in" for a visit. Although holiday family gatherings can be stressful, I am thankful that we bother to gather and remember where we came from. I'm glad we can share a meal with them because gathering around a table conveys a message of acceptance. I'm thankful to have families that offer unconditional love to us.

I am thankful to not only have an abundance of food on our table, but to also have a pantry full. I am thankful to have a choice and a variety when we eat each meal. I am thankful that we can eat 3x per day and sometimes even snacks in between. I am thankful to live in an area that has bountiful produce and farmer's markets that we can access on a regular basis. I am thankful that I have the skills to cook healthy meals for my family and that I enjoy doing it! I am also thankful for such easy access to clean water to drink.

I am thankful that we not only have a car to travel in, but that we have TWO of them! I am thankful that our family car is large enough to carry our whole family and still bring a few friends along. I am grateful for gas in my car. I am grateful we have bikes to ride, if we choose--that we even have that choice! I am thankful that we have these modes of transportation and do not have to walk everywhere.

I am thankful for having a shelter over our heads and that we can call it home. I am thankful to have a heater and air conditioner that work. I am thankful that there is furniture in our home and that each one of us had a bed to sleep in. It strikes me that many of us Americans think it is a right of our children to each have a room of their own. In many countries they share a bed--if they even have one at all. Hmm, I'll be satisfied that my children are gaining a wealth of experience by sharing a room and that they have a bed to sleep in with warm blankets. I am thankful for electricity because when the power goes out, it makes me realize how much I take it for granted.

I am thankful for good friends--friends who know me and still want to be my friend! Friends that encourage me, allow me to confide in them and to pray alongside me through this journey called life. I am thankful for friends that know my husband and his favorite topic and love him anyway too! :) I am thankful for the laughter and good times. I am thankful for times away with friends to sip a cup of coffee or to knit and crochet together while the kids run wild around us. I am thankful for friends that embrace my family and never seem burdened by my children or the size of our family. What a blessing to have friends that I don't hang out with as often, but we pick up in a heartbeat because they are "lifers." What could be better than friends who share their bounty and work together to create a community that feels like family?

And for those out there who believe in me by reading my blog. Thanks for thinking I have something to offer and for encouraging me to press on. Thanks for asking me questions and believing I might really have an answer! And thanks to those who actually leave comments so that I know I am not writing to myself. I am thankful for you. May you hold your head up and a smile be on your face as you celebrate the holiday of thankfulness because you, my friend--just like me, have much to be thankful for.

Even if none of these things I listed existed, we all have something to be thankful for--we have a God who loves us and created us for a purpose. He knows us by name and we bring Him pleasure. We have a God who sacrificed His Son so that we can boldly approach His throne and have a personal relationship with Him. AND FOR THAT, THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH WORDS IN THE WORLD TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE.

Praying for Your Children

Every Monday I have been trying to post some of the prayers I pray for my children. I do it for you, but I also do it for me. You see, praying for my children is an area that I have been weak in. I have wanted to do well at this, but have never been able to be consistent about it, nor did I ever know what to say. I have always wanted to be that mom that stands in the doorway of her children while they sleep and prays over them or the one that lays her hands on them and prays for them while they're sleeping--and her children wake up and feel comforted by that. The reality is that that is not me.


I have read a good many books about praying for your children over the years in an effort to succeed in this area, but none have really helped until this summer. A friend of mine was reading "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children" by J*die Berndt and it drew me in and it has made a difference. I'm not really sure the reason why this one has impacted me, but here's a few guesses.


First, its message is simple. Pray for your children and use scripture to do it. It has 20 different areas to pray for.


Second, it has scriptures laid out in which you can insert your children's names. Just what I need since I tend to be at a loss for words when it comes to praying for my children. I just can't seem to conjur up what to say beyond, "Dear God, I pray that _____ does well today, is nice to their friends and ummm...I pray for their future. Amen."


Lastly, the prayers are short. I don't know about you, but the books I have read in the past, usually had long prayers so in an effort to save time I would insert the phrase, "my children" instead of their individual names. My children each have their own personalities so it makes sense to me that I would pray for them each differently.


Maybe because of its simplicity, it inspired me to dig out a blank journal I had laying around. I divided it into 6 sections (because I also created a section for The Driver) and began to write out a prayer for each person in my family as I read through each section. It probably helps that I have forced myself to relax as I've done this and not insert my perfectionist self into the mix. I have set no agenda for time to complete it. I try to open up the book and journal a prayer each week and then pray that over the next week, but if I don't, I don't beat myself up like usual. I just pick up where I left off and continue in my pursuit to fill the journal with prayers of love.


I'm not a big journal writer for fear of someone finding my real thoughts and reading it, but this is a journal that I do not have to fear what someone thinks. If someone in my family ever reads it, I think they will see right into the heart of their praying mom and feel the love I have for them. What do I have to lose by customizing and writing out the prayers I have for my children?


So I hope that as I work to improve in this area of my life and I share it with you, it will encourage you to do the same...pray for your children. I believe it will make all the difference for your children and draw you in closer to the heart of their Father.

Scripture Prayers - Jeremiah 29:11-13/Psalm 139:13-16

We all seek to find the purpose and meaning for our life. I have seen many an adult that is still wandering in an effort to figure out why they are here. I don't know about you, but I don't want that for my children. I want them to be confident that God knit them together perfectly and that He has created them for a specific purpose. If I have that clear objective for them in mind, why not start praying now instead of when they are 34-years-old, still living at home and can't seem to keep a job?

This scripture is easy to read through without really thinking about what it means, especially if you've heard it a zillion times, but it's powerful when it's prayed from the heart of a mother for her child.

Lord, you know the plans you have for my child, plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give him hope and a future. Cause my child to call upon you and come and pray to you, and then to listen to her, Lord. Let her seek you with all of her heart, and find you when she does seek you.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

I love this one since I've been doing so much crocheting lately. I think about each small stitch that is made to create an amazing work of art when I am done--exactly as God has done with each one of our children (and us!).

Lord, may my child understand to the depths of his inmost being that you intricately knit him together. Cause him to have confidence in the works of your hands that are wonderfully made. If he doubts, let him remember that nothing is hidden from you and that you wove him together with purpose. May he never forget that all of his days were written in your book before even one of them ever came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

A Bit Much

I've been doing really good at mapping out time for myself to write every week day. However, I am going to step back until Monday. I'm crocheting like crazy to sell a few items at a boutique this weekend, prepping to host an "If You Were Mine" Adoption Seminar at our church on Saturday and throwing a baby shower on Sunday for a friend who is adopting from Ethiopia. I think it's a bit much--so you, my friends, will have to be patient until I can gather myself back together on Monday. See you then! Bring some coffee because I might need it!

More Brillance

This is his most recent creation. He used some left over cardboard and made a framed picture for me to hang. I asked him where exactly I should hang it and he already had the wall in my bedroom all picked out!

The Talker is an avid lover of bats. He wanted to build a "bat house." So he and The Driver got busy. Below are some pictures of that. Some people build bird houses, but we build bat houses here. Fortunately for me, no bats have come to take residence yet. Whew!

Here is The Talker with his favorite stuffed animal--a bat, of course. His name is Batty. Batty apparently needed a house of his own so The Talker made him a Bat Condo complete with its own table, couch and TV. Oh and I almost forgot his own basketball hoop!

What would I do without The Talker?

The Brillance of The Talker

Here are some of the ingenious ideas of The Talker. From top to bottom:

First, this is the puppet he made of me. Doesn't it look just like me?

The next set of pictures is the hat he made based off an idea he saw elsewhere. He analyzed it and figured out how to make one of his own. It appears to be just a hat, right? I had a video of this, but couldn't find it to save my life. These pics will have to do.

When he begins to blow on the straw near his mouth, notice the black balloon beginning to pop out the top.

Bigger.

Side view of the balloon and hat.

Pretty good, huh? When he made this hat is when I began to see his brillance. He certainly is no dummy. His skills are just different than book knowledge required in school. God just wired him differently and I can't wait to see what God will do with his life.

Equipped

It's easy for you to read my story with my son and to think that after that pivotal night, our trials were over. That is far from the truth. It was a long road of some good days and some tough ones. But here's the thing, when I asked, God equipped me to raise my son. It did not happen over night. It went from "Dear God, help me!" to real and genuine, urgent requests for wisdom from the heart of a mom who loved her son.

The more I consistently prayed for wisdom, the more He unleashed it on me, whether it was through book reading, internet research, talks with other people with similar experience--whatever the source--He began to show me what was best for my son.

I'll never forget the conference I went to a few weeks after my revelation. My husband went with me for the first time and guess what kind of speaker was there for both of us to hear? The woman's specialty was learning disabilites. Within the first few minutes of her talk, I was literally weeping because she was describing my son. I thought for sure she'd been looking in the windows of my house! Her words were the salve I needed and the wisdom I needed to continue to help my son toward success in school.

Just this morning, I read this verse. It's what got me started thinking this direction:

2 Peter 1:3
"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence."

You can see what stuck out to me. It got me started thinking about 2 Timothy 3:17 and Hebrews 13:21.

"so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

"May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."

Maybe these are not in context for motherhood, but they do make a point...God will equip you to do your life. In the book of James it tells us to pray for wisdom and it will be given to you. I know I've read that before, shot up a "give me wisdom" prayer and wondered why it didn't come. Maybe that works sometimes, but I think what God wants for us as mothers is to press on--to continue in our asking for wisdom and he'll place us in a situation that we are so beyond ourself that we can't doubt that it was HIS wisdom, not ours.

I know I'm not alone in my struggles so I encourage you that if you are pulling out your hair over your child (or maybe all of them) to begin to boldly and persistently approach the throne of God, asking for Him to give you wisdom in how to raise His child. I promise He'll deliver. It may not be today and it may not be months from now, but He will deliver in His perfect timing.

In the meantime, I will meditate on my own words and life lessons by continuing to pray that God will give me the wisdom to as to how to love Daughter of Purpose just as she is. I absolutely love her, but she's very different from me and I often find myself standing there staring at her antics and wondering what planet she is from. She's very melodramatic and thinks that life is one big show that she is the sole performer. I'll share that story later...

Should

I wrestle with myself all the way down the stairs as to whether I will put on my happy face or let it all hang out. Somewhere between the top and the bottom of the stairs, I decide that I am so far done that I am also done pretending. I am going to be real tonight.

God knew exactly what I needed that night because who should it be that shows up that night? For some odd reason (right), only two people are in attendance that night and it's two of my closest friends that couldn't have been more hand-picked. A Board Certified Behavior Analyst and Special Education teacher of more than a decade. It's not like they hadn't heard my struggle with The Talker previous to this, but I fully unloaded it all on them this time. My two dear friends put on their professional "hat" and got busy helping me figure out ways to help my son. We talked through all of the fancy names of diagnosises that we could affix to him, but ultimately that wasn't what I was looking for. What I needed were ways to better understand him and to help him manage his different quirks. That night they certainly delivered.

All of these things were very helpful, but the most powerful part was not the things they came up with to help my son. It was how they helped ME. It was me who needed change too. They helped me to begin to view him in a different light. In her wisdom, my friend gently pointed out to me something that stood out to her as I talked. She noticed that I had an awful lot of "shoulds" in my speech.

"He's been getting ready for bed for 7 years now. He should be able to do this on his own."

"He should be able to get his shoes on and get in the car when I say it's time to go."

"He should be able to do his school work by himself and not be staring at the same sheet of paper 30 minutes later."

He should, he should, he should, he should. There was a lot of should-ing going on. My friend probably didn't know how pivotal her words would be. It was in that moment that I felt like the earth stopped and began spinning the other direction. That was when I began to realize that, yes, he should be able to do a lot of things, but the reality was that he couldn't. So what was I going to do? Would I continue to "should" him for the rest of his life and he'd never measure up or would I "lower the bar" and begin to love him right where he was at?

It hit me that this was where I was going to need to start seeing him through the eyes of His Maker--focusing in on what he could do, not what he couldn't do. I began to change the way I approached my son and it started making a huge difference. It was things as simple as giving him one page of school work at a time instead of the stack for the day, which overwhelmed him. I began to only give him one instruction at a time instead of a list of five. His success rate was much better this way. When I made requests of my kids like, "Get your shoes on, it's time to go" I singled him out to make sure he heard me. I also had him repeat what I said back to me.

Along with practical things, I started to see how talented he was (and still is) in many other ways. He's very messy, but very creative. He's our artist. His mind is always working at figuring out how things work. He kind of reminds me of a mad scientist the way he analyzes things. He's always making things for people he cares about--they are very odd, but it is made straight from his heart. He's a giver--always aware of how people around him are feeling and always ready to share with those in need. He's a rule follower. As a parent, sometimes I forget what rule I made in a given situation. Never fear--rule follower is here to my rescue! He's slow, but steady and if given the right context (mainly his creative mode), he can focus for hours. He still talks a lot and it still drives me crazy, but I have learned how to stop what I'm doing and listen. Sometimes I gently instruct him in how to leave out some of the details, but no one said I had fully arrived yet!

God has used this pivotal moment to heal our relationship and to allow me to become his greatest advocate. God has allowed me to see him in such a different light that I understand him like no other. It has allowed me to turn and teach others how to better understand him and learn to appreciate him also, like other family members, teachers and leaders. I have an amazing son and I am so thankful for that night that God cared enough about him (and me) to so perfectly set up what I needed--to learn how to love the child He'd placed in my care.

I'd like to say that is the end of the story, but I'm pretty sure it is not. I can see how God is using that experience to teach me how to love the adopted daughter He placed in our family. I feel like I am working through all the same issues again, but yet this time I missed out on the first four years of her life and I have no idea what her biological make up is. It's like The Talker all over again, but with some missing pieces this time. I think He's shaking things up a bit because he wants to teach me yet again! I'd love to tell you that I've perfected this lesson and loving Daughter of Purpose like my own has been easy, but that would be a lie. I will admit that I've struggled, but each day gets easier as I draw on the lessons He has shown me through The Talker. I often wonder what God has in mind to teach me with this lesson yet again, but with a twist. Does He have in mind for me to master this because He desires to place more children in my home through adoption? Is Foster Care in the future for our family? Does He just want me to learn so I can share with others? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I know the One who does and I am open to whatever God has in mind for me because it's clear that His way is better than mine.

I am ever thankful that He does not "should" me in the way I was "should-ing" my son. He certainly could because I have a whole lot of things I should be doing too, but instead He offers me grace and loves me just the way I am. I don't know if I can ever be grateful enough for that--a God who is patient, sees my potential and is my greatest advocate.

Stay tuned for some pictures (and maybe a video) of some of The Talker's great inventions (because I'm not a pround Mama or anything like that). :)

Real or Fake?

I remember that night as clear as if it happened just last night. Like I mentioned before, it was the night that changed everything.

It was a Tuesday night, my husband was at a meeting that night and I am getting everything and everyone ready for Biblestudy to be held at our house. The kids are supposed to be upstairs getting ready for bed while I pick up the house, make coffee, etc. We had done this a million times so it should've been easy enough. Admittedly, we were running late and I am a bit harried at this point. The next thing I know, two of the ladies have shown up and I am still running up and down the stairs to be hospitable to them and yet help my kids get into bed.

As I leave the pleasant conversation of adults downstairs, I dash up the stairs hoping to find that things are running smoothly upstairs. That is not at all what I found. Instead I find The Talker, that should be brushing his teeth, standing in the bathroom with the squirt bottle in his hand. He is standing there giving the mirrors a bath. He does not have his pajamas on yet and it is clear that this squirt bottle has distracted from his bedtime jobs. As if this is not bad enough, I turn to take a breather before I lose my cool (because there are Biblestudy people downstairs, mind you) and what do I find? I find that all of his siblings are in their rooms changing their pajamas because he has squirted all of them. It takes everything I have to not come unglued at this point. I return to the bathroom to find him still standing there bathing the mirrors with not a care in the world. Absolutely clueless that this is not what he should be doing right now. Absolutely clueless that I am about to explode.

I manage to calm down enough to wake him back up to reality and stearnly instruct him in what he should be doing and get everyone into bed. Everyone is tucked in and I am completely done. I am at a loss as to what to do with this child. I just want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and weep, but I have people waiting for me downstairs. Instead, I stand at the top of the stairs teetering between whether I should put my plastic, church face on and pretend that everything is fine or whether I should be brave enough to share my reality with my friends. All the way down the staircase I am in indecision. What should I choose--to be real or fake?

To be continued...I promise I won't drag this out much longer. :)

In the Beginning

In the beginning there was one child. And there was another on the horizon about 3 months later. Yes, my two first children are only 12 months apart and, no, I did not plan that. This was so far from my plan that I wrestled with that pregnancy and then that child, The Talker, for longer than I care to admit. From the very get-go I just didn't get The Talker. From the timing of his conception to his baby years where he was gassy and cried a lot to his toddler years where he was very emotional and still cried all the time. He was (and still is) the ultra Mr. Sensitive.

As he grew older his sensitivity/emotionalness remained and he began to lack the ability to focus for long periods of time, talked all the time (in a very detailed manner which bored me to tears) and yet seemed to not hear things. He had a delayed hearing of sorts and when he started school he began to show signs of having a reading disability. I have to confess that at times I looked at my own son and saw that the light was on, but wondered if anybody was home. He was smart in many ways, just not the ways I thought he should be. Often I wanted to knock on his head and say, "Hello? Is anybody in there?"

I often pondered why it was that this particular child could push all the right buttons and make me ignite so quickly. I wondered why, when I did get angry, was "my wrath" always directed at him. I wondered why he could seem to do no right in my eyes. Was it because he was so like me or so un-like me? What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I understand this child--my own flesh and blood? Was this normal--to have a child that just doesn't mesh with me? Why did he seem to always want to be near me when I wanted to be no where near him? Why couldn't I just simply love him? Was it his fault or mine? What was I to do?

Looking back now, I realize that a lot of attributes that drove me to the quick were the things that are not like me. He is a very detailed talker--I am not. He is very emotional--I am not. It also drove me insane that he could not focus on his school work to save his life, follow directions and it would often seem like he had no idea I'd ever spoken. Clueless.

I was pulling out my hair until one night. That particular night is a very vivid memory for me because it is the night that changed everything...

To be continued...I've got a daughter with a fever and am still healing up myself.

Managing My Home - Being Fair

In a home full of children, how do I manage to treat each one of them fairly--that's what I should do, right? It sure is what I'd like to do, but a phrase that my children have heard pretty much since birth is that "life is not fair." I don't even have to say it anymore. They do a nice job filling in my line and saying it to one another!

Growing up as an only child, I don't have any experience on the child's side of the coin with this, but have had to stumble along on the parent side of the coin--hoping I'm at least doing a decent job. Boy, is it ever hard to do everything even and fairly! Everything times 5. Wouldn't it be nice if everything was sold in packs of 5, birthday party invites came in fives and awards given in fives? Funny how even though they know that know that life is not evenly distributed and I know that, we still wrestle with the concept.

As I've parented my children, I have tried my best to parent each one the same and treat them evenly across the board, but you know what I've learned, girls? As much as I logically I think I should be able to treat each one exactly the same, the reality is that they are not the same. God has made each one of them differently on purpose and maybe, just maybe there's something to that. You see, I'm a very black and white parenter (I think I just made up that word) so if any of my children don't play by my rules, I sometimes don't know how to handle that. I'm baffled. I've laid out the rules...why can't they just do that?

As I listened to the wise advice of a woman further than the road than I, this is what she said. It's not like I don't know this, but I needed to hear it again (and again and again). She said, "As much as you'd like to parent your children the same, you cannot because here is the reality...they are not the same. I know it goes against your grain, but I give you permission...it's okay to parent them differently."

Here's what played in my mind as she reminded me of such a basic thing that is sometimes so hard to grasp:

"Your Talker is...a talker and he's more emotional than the others. Your black and white ways don't mesh well with him. You need to meet him where he's at. He'll respond better to your parenting if you remember that God wired him differently."

"Your Daughter of Purpose will always need you to treat her differently. You CANNOT treat her like your biological children because she is not your biological child. She needs you to stop trying to treat her like everyone else and love her right where she's at. She will always have different needs than they do." (Clarification: Please don't misunderstand me, I don't love her any less than my biological children, she just has different needs than my biological children because of her life previous to joining our family.)

The tapes in my head continued to play for each of my children, but these are the two I struggle with the most and I find myself slipping in to "Should-Itis" the most with, but more on that later this week...

It's hard for me to open up this box in which I dare to share with you the struggles I have worked through the last few years as God gave me a child (and then another one) that I just didn't get. No one wants to share their failures, but I fear that by keeping the box lid closed that other moms will continue to live in the shame of having trouble loving one of their children.

So I will be brave and pry open the lid to a part of my journey that I don't share often because I want to share the good news with you that with time and prayer...God can give you the love you need to love your "tough to love" child and give you the wisdom you need to parent them as they need and He is faithful to give you His eyes--to see your child in the amazing way that He sees them.

Scripture Prayers - Romans 12:6-8

I've wanted to cover this topic for awhile, but it is such a huge topic that I have been apprehensive, wondering where to start. I think I'll start with prayer. If one (or maybe more than one) of your children is especially tough for you to parent, like I do, then I have a story to share with you. For today though, I'm gonna go straight to The Maker of that child and I encourage you to do the same.

Thank you for the gift you have given our family in The Talker and for the things you have taught us through him. Thank you for the special gifts you have given The Talker—the way you have wired him differently. Show him how his gifts differ from the gifts you have given others, and let him be generous, diligent, and cheerful in using them.

Romans 12:6-8

Quick Healthy Dinner Tid-Bit

This Mama has caught a sore throat and stuffy nose. So the post I had started will have to go on hold until I'm feeling a bit more like writing than resting. Just to keep myself in the habit of writing each day, here's a quick, simple and yet healthy dinner we whipped up tonight. I wasn't much for making a complex dinner this time around--I really just came up with it off the top of my head and we had a great time time with it.

I whipped up a batch of oatmeal, dug into the refrigerator, freezer and cupboard to come up some fun toppings for each person to choose. You have to realize that in the this house we are very plain and boring when it comes to oatmeal. We have cinnamon and sugar on it when we're feeling crazy. So what came over us tonight--I don't know. Here are the toppings we chose from:

Honey
Bananas
Frozen Blueberries
Frozen Cherries
Bits of Dark Chocolate
Cinnamon
Butter
Raw Sugar
Brown Sugar
Apples
Peanut Butter
Milk
Pomegranate Seeds

My only requirement was that they had to have at least one fruit in their bowl. They placed their order and I mixed up the request of each person (so that there was not an overload of chocolate). We got some pretty cool combinations and I was proud of my kids for breaking out of their mold and trying something new tonight.

A lot of them chose honey, dark chocolate and bananas. That was the clear favorite, but some chose apples, cinnamon, and honey. I personally needed an antioxidant powerhouse so I chose to put frozen blueberries and cherries, pomegranate seeds and local honey.

Additional Bold Thoughts

I was thinking a bit more about what I wrote recently about being bold enough to seek out a woman to mentor you. I wanted to add a few thoughts.

Mentoring doesn't have to come in the form of just one woman. It can be also be done indirectly from a series of women. You could be mentored--of sorts--by a particular author you enjoy reading or hear speak. You could read different blogs of women who you aspire to be like--I have a few of those that I read each day. I would encourage you, that if you choose to go about it this way, to make sure that you don't just hone in on one person's thoughts. Choose a broad spectrum. It will help you be more well-rounded and not so narrow-minded.

Another way that I have discovered lately is a way that I have often resisted in the past. Surround yourself with a group of older women of many ages. Purposely make sure there are some really old ladies in the group. I'll confess, I had a not-so-great experience with being matched in a mentoring program many years ago. The woman was very nice, but our age gap was so great that we had nothing in common. I began to dread meeting with her because it was very uncomfortable. Around that same season in life, I also joined a biblestudy in which most of the women were grey-haired and I felt like there was a huge chasm between us. They liked to play the piano and sing their hymns in really high voices while I liked a more cutting edge type of worship. That wasn't all, but it gives you the idea.

So now you know why I was apprehensive about putting myself in this situation again this year, but I do have to say that sticking it out has drawn immense benefits. I have come to respect and look forward to hearing the words of wisdom from all of the women in the room of all different ages. I am very fortunate to to be able to gather with them week after week.

I have a few younger moms who I do not regularly meet with, but every time we happen to be together, they take the opportunity to grill me with their questions as they journey through motherhood. I can tell what they are doing because I've done it myself with other women further down the road than I. My friend, Heather, jokes that she has a whole list of questions ready to fire at me, but she is being nice and only asking me her most urgent 1 or 2 at the time.

I can't forget to mention the privilege I had of spending time with some older moms while in Haiti. None of them purposed to mentor me, but I learned a lot from them. I saw the value of their wisdom and spent a lot of time listening. There's the key...listen. Look for opportunities and listen. Opportunities to hear from those who have gone before you are all around you. You just need to see it and do something about it. Sometimes it doesn't even take anything harder than listening. I think you and I both know that you don't know it all--and neither do I! So let's be bold by listening and learning, Sweet Mama.

Sweet Reward

I made a deal with my kids that after they were done with their candy experiments, I would give them each a $5 gift card to St*rbucks or J*amba Juice if they would be willing to throw away all of their Halloween candy (they all chose St*arbucks). Another creative way to rid yourself of the hassles of daily squabbling over candy--a one time treat of their choosing and the hassles are buh-bye!

Be Bold, Mama

Sunday was one of those days that I woke up thinking such and such was going to happen, but by the time I went to bed that night, nothing I'd planned happened. Sometimes that can be frustrating, but this particular day I tried to relax and enjoy what God had in store for me instead.

One of the biggest blessings that God gave me in that day was the opportunity for uninterrupted conversation with a woman that is further down the road than I. You see, parenting has a lot challenges, but adoption comes with some extra challenges. To add on top of that, so does parenting a child with special needs. If you had not caught on before this, my youngest daughter was adopted from Russia and she has special needs. Well this Mama that I "just happened" to sit next to in church has been at this journey with adopted special needs children way longer than I. I had been meaning to introduce myself to her for quite awhile, but this prompted me to actually do it. Well I couldn't have been more blessed. Sometimes it just helps to be able to talk with older women--to be able to hear where you're doing well, where you need work and to be able to ask questions of someone who can relate to your world. I guess you would call that mentoring.

A few summers back, I had the privilege of hanging out with a group of young moms every Tuesday morning while we read through a book together. Towards the end of our time together, we discussed how each one of us desperately wants to be mentored, but yet mentoring is lacking in our society today. One of the conclusions we came to is that if you want to be mentored by someone specific then you need to be bold enough to ask. It can't be assumed that they are too busy or wait around for a mentor to approach you. Just ask.

Mentoring is going to look different for every person. Maybe for you, a weekly time to do Biblestudy together is what is needed. Maybe meeting up for coffee when you can squeeze it into your busy schedule is enough. Some women can have that need met by situations like MOPS or Mom2Mom.

Personally, I'm not one for forced weekly meetings. I've found that being mentored or doing the mentoring has been the most successful when we just "do life" together. I prefer to just hang out and let natural conversations flow out of that time together. I want to encourage you that if you see someone out there who you'd like to learn more from then ask if you can hang out. Go to a craft show together, see if they want to go grocery shopping with you, or invite them over for dinner. If you know that person is going to be at an event then purposely sit by them so natural conversation can happen. Don't stalk them...just be creative in finding ways to hear from them. Be bold, Mama.

If you are one of those women that had that conversation with me a few summers back, what have you done about it? Have you been bold? Has life gotten in the way? Is there someone in your life that you can glean from further down the road? I'm not saying that woman has to be decades older with great grandchildren under her belt. Just someone you can relate to and has already been there and done that. I'll say it again, be bold, Mama. I promise you'll be blessed. I am always grateful for those moments God gives me to glean bits of wisdom from someone older and wiser. It refreshes my soul and helps me to press on in my journey of motherhood. Be bold, Mama!

Managing My Home - Candy

With Halloween just barely under our belt and the rest of the holidays barreling down on us, I thought I'd broach the subject of candy. It seems to be everywhere in the world of a child--whether it's as a reward for an accomplishment, a birthday party or just from a kind person that loves to see kids smile. I know that people mean no harm, but as the generous spirit increases in these holiday times...what is a parent to do?

Maybe you don't particularly care about the amount of candy your child consumes, but I do. The amount of candy that passes through our home, with 5 children, can be a bit overwhelming to manage. At times, I feel like someone is always asking if they can have a piece of candy and I honestly can't keep track of who had what piece when and how much without losing my mind. I don't know about you, but I'd rather fill my mind with more important things than how much candy my children have had. I suppose I could just let it go and not pay attention, but candy is full of high fructose corn syrup and harmful dyes. That bothers me and so does the amount of sugar that sits on their teeth, leading to cavities. If I didn't pay attention to their candy consumption, I'd sure pay attention to the dental bills we'd have. Side note: I do have to testify that previous to changing the way we approach food, we DID have those bills. My children DID have those cavities, but in the last year they have not had one cavity. Moving along...

My reason for this post is not to convice you to pay attention to what your children are eating. That is your call. I only seek to share with you a creative way that we have found to deal with the candy that comes through our home.

A few months ago, I came upon an idea in a Family Fun magazine that has taken off in our home. When candy enters our home, my children now opt to eat a piece or two and then do candy experiments. I thought it was just a one time fluke, but Halloween proved to me again that they have embraced the idea and made it their own. Instead of eating candy, my children now view candy as something to be explored. By the time I came down the stairs the morning after Halloween, this is what I saw:

My kids were up and already testing out all sorts of possibilites with their candy. Soaking it, freezing it, putting it in the sun, and waiting on me so they could put some in the oven or the microwave. It has been amazing to watch them become little scientists. I hear them talking amongst themselves and making guesses on what they think certain candies will do. They have even felt the freedom to start cutting things in half just to see what was inside--was it solid or hollow, liquid filled or not? Our next venture is to see what happens to different candies in an acidic liquid.

I love seeing something that was once a chore to manage has now become a blessing and now my kids are learning something from it--and I don't even have to suggest it--they're doing it on their own!

Below are some pictures from previous experiments:

The Thematic Shepherd

Funny how God works in themes. I just wrote about The Shepherd today. I did not plan this on purpose, but we had Shepherd's Pie for dinner. It was already on the menu. Think He's trying to tell me something?

Scripture Prayers - Isaiah 40:11

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. "

Isaiah 40:11

I don't know what it is about this passage, but I've always loved it. It's very comforting to me when I read it. It gives me confidence to continue on in my parenting, knowing that He gently and with patience (not harshly and with irritation) leads me as I parent my young children. It is good to know that I am being led, that I am within the fold of His flock. He is watching over me as I parent and will make sure that I am on the right path. That gives me sweet relief.

Imagine my delight as I stumbled upon this favorite of mine converted into a prayer in "Praying the Scriptures for Y*ur Children" by J*die Berndt.

"Lord, you promise to tend your flock like a shepherd. Gather my children like lambs in your arms and carry them close to your heart. And, just as you promise to gently lead those that have young, teach us, as parents, how to lead and guide and care for our children."

The End of The Great Pantry Challenge...Sort Of

Well, today marks the end of The Great Pantry Challenge and it has been a lot more fun and certainly easier to do this alongside others. In reality, living on what is in the pantry is a way of life for us for a whole host of reasons I'd rather not bore you with, so The Great Pantry Challenge will go on in our home. Later tonight, I will menu plan for the next two weeks and do exactly as I stated in my menu planning post--buy only what is necessary and try to use as much as possible from what already exists in the pantry.

I do have to say that towards the end of this challenge, I did have to change up a few things to get us through to the end. One night we had Cesear Salad minus the parmesean cheese because the parmesean cheese I thought was in the refrigerator was no longer there. I don't recommend that. It was gross. Who would would've known the cheese makes such a difference? We moved grilled cheese sandwiches to Saturday's lunch and had beans with hot dogs for dinner on Friday night. By Saturday night, we were projected to have beans & rice before doing our Halloween activities, but I decided that my modification in the menu would lead to two nights of beans in a row. That would not be good. So we did a very simple sandwich dinner with some applesauce and called it good. It was also a bit difficult to whip up a batch of cookies for snacks when there was about 1 cup of flour left in the whole house. To be honest, I'm not really sure what my kids ate as snacks to make it through. It was kind of a blur, but I remember something about roasted pumpkin seeds, pomegranate seeds, a fight over the last apple and some cheese being sliced up.

So we survived and I can't say it was a bad thing to have a bit of a hungry feeling in my tummy and no convenient things around to eat. It reminded me (and I think my kids too) that even when we think there's "nothing to eat"--there really is always something we can rustle up. We just have to choose to make the effort or wait until the next meal that day.

Thank you, Lord, that we know there will be a next meal. Many people in the world don't know when they'll eat again and our family is counting our blessings for all that you have given us. May we be good stewards of all you send our way. Please remind us to not act spoiled by complaining about what you provide. Instead let us enjoy with thanksgiving what you set on our table or put in our pantry.