Saturday, February 27, 2010
Change of Address
I've been wanting to do this for awhile, but finally got to it. To simplify the address of my blog, all you have to remember now is http://www.mommymap.net/. No extra blogger stuff...just .net. Either address will direct you here, but I just wanted to make it easier for you to remember (and for me to tell others!). Happy reading!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Business Time
I really couldn't help but post this one. I was called at the last minute to speak at my home church MOPS. Subject? Sex, of course. This is the video they showed before my friend and I spoke. I'm still laughing, although if you watch it...I take no responsibility for any further songs by this band.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Jehovah Rapha
I have sat here at this computer a million times trying to think of how to share with you the journey I have been on as I parent a child that is not of my flesh, but of my heart instead. The journey has not been what I expected in a lot of ways, but yet there is incredible blessing in the learning from the Lord along the way. I wouldn't trade this road, but it has been a tough one to trudge. My desire is to write it out so that people will not think it's all happy and roses, but instead get a real look at adoption. Not the scary kind of story that people always tell to scare the crap out of you and make you vow to never risk yourself to adoption, but instead the kind of story that is real, but full of redemption and joy. Oh yes, we redeemed our daughter from her life as an orphan, but it wasn't she who really needed redeeming. It was me.
December 15, 2005 is the date that changed my life. That date sticks in my mind because it is the day I agreed to go with my husband to a purely informational class about adoption. We had 4 biological children--four under four, mind you, so I was humoring him. In reality it was God who was humoring me as He waited patiently for me to be ready to go deeper with Him than I ever had before. He purposed to use our Daughter of Purpose to take me from a leanness of soul to a fatness of soul. Though painful to get there, I'd rather be fat than skinny in my soul.
You see, I am a black and white person so when this child came into my home and shook it up, I didn't really quite know what to do. Before she arrived, I knew I'd have to parent her differently, but I'd talked to lots of adoptive parents and read the books. I was ready for whatever came my way. Right? She's been nothing like the books. The books got thrown out the window along time ago. Instead it's been replaced by The Book and a daily dependence on the Lord to see her through His eyes. Every single day I must get up and ask the Lord to enable me to do what does not come naturally to me. He must give me patience, grace, mercy and an unnatural ability to see past what I see with my eyes--straight into the heart of my daughter so that I can help her. Let me confess, I do not write this from a place of "arrival." I write you from the trenches. This is my daily existence because I have been given the gift of helping my daughter learn what real love is and to bring her to Him who will heal her history.
Let me clarify, my Daughter of Purpose is not a child that screams and kicks, tears out her hair, steals food and hides it under her bed. She does not treat me horribly and then kiss up to Daddy. She does not avoid our gaze or our touch. The thing about her is that she is charming and cute beyond measure externally, but she is torn up inside because she doesn't know what it's like to live in a place of feeling safe and loved. Let me see if can explain it to you in this way, my biological children have a threshold of feeling safe and loved that is so wide--super wide. Their floodgates are wide open because feeling safe and loved is all they've ever known. Daughter of Purpose, on the other hand, has a threshold of safety, love and acceptance almost immeasureable because it is so small.
Let me give you a real life example. Just last night I caught Daughter of Purpose licking the counters. Why? I don't know. Honestly, I really don't know. Sometimes she does the strangest things, but over time I've just learned that it comes down to a very basic principal. No one has ever taught her what is appropriate and inappropriate. Even the craziest things you think don't need to be taught...I have had to teach. More on that later. Back to the counter licking. When DOP was caught in the act, I didn't bark at her. I didn't berate her and ask her what in the world she was doing. I didn't even raise my voice. I just simply asked her to please stop licking the counters. I said that licking the counters was not a good idea. She instantly dropped her eyes, her body language and her voice into what I call "the unsafe zone." She replied with her pouty face and monotone voice, "Okay." From that point on, I could guarantee that anything I said would be tuned out. She had internally pulled into herself for protection.
Let's flip the story to one of my biological children. In the exact same scenario, I could ask them what in the world they were doing, banter with them and end up laughing over the obsurdity of it all. Let's pretend that if I wasn't even in a good mood and snapped at them about licking the counters. They would recover quickly and move on. It would not plague them as to how they had messed up again. Yet, the counter licking was still haunting DOP this morning.
God has allowed me to see into her world and respond to her differently than what comes naturally to me. My daughter lives in a world that despite our constant assurances to the contrary, she lives in fear that she can lose our love--that some naughty behavior will make us change our mind. She lives believing that since she came from somewhere tangible and her value is measurable by dollars, she can be returned to Russia with a full refund if she doesn't measure up. Of course we've never said such things to her and she probably couldn't put her responses into those exact words, that is the insight God has given me. It is painful to even think about being her--to live in such a way that I constantly felt I needed to be good enough or I would be sent back to a place I don't even want to think about.
What DOP needs more than anything is for me to love her in a way that I've never had to love before. She needs me to parent her with grace instead of my natural black and whiteness. She needs me to be patient as I teach her over and over again until she gets it right. She needs me to be patient as she learns the most basic things because no one ever taught her before. She needs me to be merciful and gracious at every turn as she heals from the inside out. What she needs most of all is for me, her Mommy, to show her my love unconditionally regardless of whether she measures up or makes any sense to me. She needs me to wrap my arms around her and show her what Mommy's do--they hold you when you're hurting and they'll hold you as long as you need.
Just this morning, God placed me on my knees with her at eye-level and I listened as she shared randomly that the reason she was upset was because she didn't want our cat to die. Random. Our cat is not sick or in anyway close to death. He just happened to be around, rubbing at our legs while I asked her what was wrong. I knew this was not really the reason for her emotionalness, but instead it was all her 5-year-old mind could come up with. I held her close and probed a little deeper. That's when I learned that she was still very upset about letting us down by licking the counters last night. I assured her of my love and allowed her to cry a very deep cry.
Daughter of Purpose was almost 4-years-old when we brought her home. It's taken awhile, but slowly, yet surely her need for healing is bubbling up. It's random, but it's becoming more frequent. She has yet to really talk about her life before joining us and I'm not sure that she really knows how, but if there's one thing I am determined that she will learn in her journey toward healing is that Mommies love you no matter what, no matter how hard it gets. The reason I can say that with confidence is that I have a Heavenly Father that has shown me unconditional love, grace, mercy and acceptance. He is the One who has held me as I have worked toward healing in my life. He is the One who has been patient as the things I need healed have bubbled up randomly, making no sense as to why here, why now. It is He, as my example, and through His Spirit that will give me the strength that I need to be the Mommy that my Daughter of Purpose needs me to be.
"Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." - Hebrews 12:12-13
Make me strong, Lord, so that I may hold my daughter up to you that she might be healed by Jehovah Rapha, the Lord that Heals.
December 15, 2005 is the date that changed my life. That date sticks in my mind because it is the day I agreed to go with my husband to a purely informational class about adoption. We had 4 biological children--four under four, mind you, so I was humoring him. In reality it was God who was humoring me as He waited patiently for me to be ready to go deeper with Him than I ever had before. He purposed to use our Daughter of Purpose to take me from a leanness of soul to a fatness of soul. Though painful to get there, I'd rather be fat than skinny in my soul.
You see, I am a black and white person so when this child came into my home and shook it up, I didn't really quite know what to do. Before she arrived, I knew I'd have to parent her differently, but I'd talked to lots of adoptive parents and read the books. I was ready for whatever came my way. Right? She's been nothing like the books. The books got thrown out the window along time ago. Instead it's been replaced by The Book and a daily dependence on the Lord to see her through His eyes. Every single day I must get up and ask the Lord to enable me to do what does not come naturally to me. He must give me patience, grace, mercy and an unnatural ability to see past what I see with my eyes--straight into the heart of my daughter so that I can help her. Let me confess, I do not write this from a place of "arrival." I write you from the trenches. This is my daily existence because I have been given the gift of helping my daughter learn what real love is and to bring her to Him who will heal her history.
Let me clarify, my Daughter of Purpose is not a child that screams and kicks, tears out her hair, steals food and hides it under her bed. She does not treat me horribly and then kiss up to Daddy. She does not avoid our gaze or our touch. The thing about her is that she is charming and cute beyond measure externally, but she is torn up inside because she doesn't know what it's like to live in a place of feeling safe and loved. Let me see if can explain it to you in this way, my biological children have a threshold of feeling safe and loved that is so wide--super wide. Their floodgates are wide open because feeling safe and loved is all they've ever known. Daughter of Purpose, on the other hand, has a threshold of safety, love and acceptance almost immeasureable because it is so small.
Let me give you a real life example. Just last night I caught Daughter of Purpose licking the counters. Why? I don't know. Honestly, I really don't know. Sometimes she does the strangest things, but over time I've just learned that it comes down to a very basic principal. No one has ever taught her what is appropriate and inappropriate. Even the craziest things you think don't need to be taught...I have had to teach. More on that later. Back to the counter licking. When DOP was caught in the act, I didn't bark at her. I didn't berate her and ask her what in the world she was doing. I didn't even raise my voice. I just simply asked her to please stop licking the counters. I said that licking the counters was not a good idea. She instantly dropped her eyes, her body language and her voice into what I call "the unsafe zone." She replied with her pouty face and monotone voice, "Okay." From that point on, I could guarantee that anything I said would be tuned out. She had internally pulled into herself for protection.
Let's flip the story to one of my biological children. In the exact same scenario, I could ask them what in the world they were doing, banter with them and end up laughing over the obsurdity of it all. Let's pretend that if I wasn't even in a good mood and snapped at them about licking the counters. They would recover quickly and move on. It would not plague them as to how they had messed up again. Yet, the counter licking was still haunting DOP this morning.
God has allowed me to see into her world and respond to her differently than what comes naturally to me. My daughter lives in a world that despite our constant assurances to the contrary, she lives in fear that she can lose our love--that some naughty behavior will make us change our mind. She lives believing that since she came from somewhere tangible and her value is measurable by dollars, she can be returned to Russia with a full refund if she doesn't measure up. Of course we've never said such things to her and she probably couldn't put her responses into those exact words, that is the insight God has given me. It is painful to even think about being her--to live in such a way that I constantly felt I needed to be good enough or I would be sent back to a place I don't even want to think about.
What DOP needs more than anything is for me to love her in a way that I've never had to love before. She needs me to parent her with grace instead of my natural black and whiteness. She needs me to be patient as I teach her over and over again until she gets it right. She needs me to be patient as she learns the most basic things because no one ever taught her before. She needs me to be merciful and gracious at every turn as she heals from the inside out. What she needs most of all is for me, her Mommy, to show her my love unconditionally regardless of whether she measures up or makes any sense to me. She needs me to wrap my arms around her and show her what Mommy's do--they hold you when you're hurting and they'll hold you as long as you need.
Just this morning, God placed me on my knees with her at eye-level and I listened as she shared randomly that the reason she was upset was because she didn't want our cat to die. Random. Our cat is not sick or in anyway close to death. He just happened to be around, rubbing at our legs while I asked her what was wrong. I knew this was not really the reason for her emotionalness, but instead it was all her 5-year-old mind could come up with. I held her close and probed a little deeper. That's when I learned that she was still very upset about letting us down by licking the counters last night. I assured her of my love and allowed her to cry a very deep cry.
Daughter of Purpose was almost 4-years-old when we brought her home. It's taken awhile, but slowly, yet surely her need for healing is bubbling up. It's random, but it's becoming more frequent. She has yet to really talk about her life before joining us and I'm not sure that she really knows how, but if there's one thing I am determined that she will learn in her journey toward healing is that Mommies love you no matter what, no matter how hard it gets. The reason I can say that with confidence is that I have a Heavenly Father that has shown me unconditional love, grace, mercy and acceptance. He is the One who has held me as I have worked toward healing in my life. He is the One who has been patient as the things I need healed have bubbled up randomly, making no sense as to why here, why now. It is He, as my example, and through His Spirit that will give me the strength that I need to be the Mommy that my Daughter of Purpose needs me to be.
"Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." - Hebrews 12:12-13
Make me strong, Lord, so that I may hold my daughter up to you that she might be healed by Jehovah Rapha, the Lord that Heals.
Personal Prayers of Faith - Repost
This was a post that I went back to read today because I needed it. Maybe you need it too.
"Though it feels that this child needs more from me than I have to give, I will still praise you because I know that you will fill me in perfect measure."
"It is clear to me that I am not able to be all this child needs me to be, but I will praise you with all that I am because your Holy Spirit will enable me by his filling to do what is humanly impossible."
As I was reading over some History stuff with my children today, we discussed Habakkuk. Habakkuk was a prophet in the Bible, but yet unlike any of the other prophets, Habakkuk didn't write to any people at all. He wrote to God himself.
In Habakkuk 3:17-19, the prophet prayed a hymn of faith. He structured his prayer in this manner: declaring that even though something may not go well, he will still trust in the Lord. He had an attitude of trust and confidence in God even though his world was falling apart. It seemed simple enough so we decided to create our own modern-day prayers of faith.
We actually went kind of crazy with this one so here is just a snippet of what we came up with:
Daughter of Purpose, "Though my legs will not do what I want them to, yet I will still rejoice in the Lord."
The Talker, "Though reading is really hard for me, I will trust that God is in control and yet I will still praise Him."
The Negotiator, "Though I can't seem to get my spelling words right, yet I will still praise the Lord."
Mini-Me, "Although I miss my friends, I will still rejoice in the Lord each day."
Littlest One, "Even though I can't color real good, I will still praise Him."
The Navigator, "Even though I do not understand why this season persists, I am weak and tired from clinging to you with faith, yet I will get up each day and continue to cling because you are on your Throne and worthy of praise."
I also posted this on Facebook and here are the prayers of some friends:
"Even though my kids are driving me crazy and I really need a nap, I will trust in the Lord for patience and strength."
"Even though this world sometimes overwhelms me with sadness I know that God is sovereign and good and I will still praise him."
"Though I am surrounded by conflict and feel aggravated by my circumstances, yet I will still rejoice in the Lord, for His favor extends for a lifetime."
I was grateful these prayers were my mindset today, as The Driver sent an e-mail to me today letting me know how little he is eligible for in terms of grants as he returns to school next semester. I was disappointed, but this is how I responded back to The Driver:
"We hoped for a larger grant, yet we will trust that He is in control and praise Him with our every breath."
I hope these personal prayers of faith have encouraged you. It's really a simple exercise, but so worthy of your time. I encourage you to come up with your own. I'd love to hear them. What is your personal prayer of faith?
(This concept and some quotes were taken from "The Mystery of History V*lume I")
"Though it feels that this child needs more from me than I have to give, I will still praise you because I know that you will fill me in perfect measure."
"It is clear to me that I am not able to be all this child needs me to be, but I will praise you with all that I am because your Holy Spirit will enable me by his filling to do what is humanly impossible."
As I was reading over some History stuff with my children today, we discussed Habakkuk. Habakkuk was a prophet in the Bible, but yet unlike any of the other prophets, Habakkuk didn't write to any people at all. He wrote to God himself.
In Habakkuk 3:17-19, the prophet prayed a hymn of faith. He structured his prayer in this manner: declaring that even though something may not go well, he will still trust in the Lord. He had an attitude of trust and confidence in God even though his world was falling apart. It seemed simple enough so we decided to create our own modern-day prayers of faith.
We actually went kind of crazy with this one so here is just a snippet of what we came up with:
Daughter of Purpose, "Though my legs will not do what I want them to, yet I will still rejoice in the Lord."
The Talker, "Though reading is really hard for me, I will trust that God is in control and yet I will still praise Him."
The Negotiator, "Though I can't seem to get my spelling words right, yet I will still praise the Lord."
Mini-Me, "Although I miss my friends, I will still rejoice in the Lord each day."
Littlest One, "Even though I can't color real good, I will still praise Him."
The Navigator, "Even though I do not understand why this season persists, I am weak and tired from clinging to you with faith, yet I will get up each day and continue to cling because you are on your Throne and worthy of praise."
I also posted this on Facebook and here are the prayers of some friends:
"Even though my kids are driving me crazy and I really need a nap, I will trust in the Lord for patience and strength."
"Even though this world sometimes overwhelms me with sadness I know that God is sovereign and good and I will still praise him."
"Though I am surrounded by conflict and feel aggravated by my circumstances, yet I will still rejoice in the Lord, for His favor extends for a lifetime."
I was grateful these prayers were my mindset today, as The Driver sent an e-mail to me today letting me know how little he is eligible for in terms of grants as he returns to school next semester. I was disappointed, but this is how I responded back to The Driver:
"We hoped for a larger grant, yet we will trust that He is in control and praise Him with our every breath."
I hope these personal prayers of faith have encouraged you. It's really a simple exercise, but so worthy of your time. I encourage you to come up with your own. I'd love to hear them. What is your personal prayer of faith?
(This concept and some quotes were taken from "The Mystery of History V*lume I")
Special Baby Follow-Up
In case you did not have a chance to visit the blog of the very special baby I asked you to pray for, I thought I'd give you a quick update.
Micah did, indeed, get the pivitol procedures done that he needed done before the weekend. He also had a third procedure done on Monday. His family now waits for the results of these tests and for the doctor's plans.
Please continue to pray for their patience and wisdom. For clarity of thought as a prolonged stay in the hospital can become a weary experience.
Thank you for praying for him! Keep praying...
Micah did, indeed, get the pivitol procedures done that he needed done before the weekend. He also had a third procedure done on Monday. His family now waits for the results of these tests and for the doctor's plans.
Please continue to pray for their patience and wisdom. For clarity of thought as a prolonged stay in the hospital can become a weary experience.
Thank you for praying for him! Keep praying...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Prayer for a Special Baby
I don't usually use take advantage of the platform that I have here on The Mommy Map, but today I am going to. I haven't written about my heart on this topic yet (it's brewing in my noodle still), but some of you know that adoption is something I'm deeply passionate about.
Right now, there is a very special baby that just came home from Ethiopia in the hospital and he needs you to stop what you are doing and breathe a prayer for him. Our close friends are his forever family and as I spent time with he and his Mama at the hospital last night, I took a look at his situation and knew I needed to enlist your help to pray him through his current situation.
Baby Micah has had a rough start to life and I could list off his woes, but I don't want to spend my time there. You can go to their blog to read about him. Instead I want to say, "God is good." I have seen the hand of God in his adoption and I ask you to step into the trenches with this family and pray some specific things for him. God got this baby here in a hurry for a reason.
Micah is only 10 lbs, but is 9 months old. After various helps, he was admitted on Monday as "failure to thrive." What he needs is to have a GI scope done and an MRI before they can go any further to help him in his needs. However, it is very frustrating as the hospital is so slow to do this. There are many pieces to this, but what he needs is for you to pray specifically that he will get a GI scope and an MRI done BEFORE the weekend. He is in a lot of pain and needs to eat, but eating causes the pain. It's a vicious cycle that he desperately needs fixed.
Also, please pray for his parents. They are relying on the Lord, but are weary. Pray for clarity of thought in the midst of their tiredness. Pray for Micah's two older sisters as they find their place in the midst of Mama and Daddy being at the hospital.
If every one of us lifted up even just one prayer--imagine where that would take Baby Micah. God's got something special in mind for this child. Be a part of that...
God Said Get Moving
Right now, there is a very special baby that just came home from Ethiopia in the hospital and he needs you to stop what you are doing and breathe a prayer for him. Our close friends are his forever family and as I spent time with he and his Mama at the hospital last night, I took a look at his situation and knew I needed to enlist your help to pray him through his current situation.
Baby Micah has had a rough start to life and I could list off his woes, but I don't want to spend my time there. You can go to their blog to read about him. Instead I want to say, "God is good." I have seen the hand of God in his adoption and I ask you to step into the trenches with this family and pray some specific things for him. God got this baby here in a hurry for a reason.
Micah is only 10 lbs, but is 9 months old. After various helps, he was admitted on Monday as "failure to thrive." What he needs is to have a GI scope done and an MRI before they can go any further to help him in his needs. However, it is very frustrating as the hospital is so slow to do this. There are many pieces to this, but what he needs is for you to pray specifically that he will get a GI scope and an MRI done BEFORE the weekend. He is in a lot of pain and needs to eat, but eating causes the pain. It's a vicious cycle that he desperately needs fixed.
Also, please pray for his parents. They are relying on the Lord, but are weary. Pray for clarity of thought in the midst of their tiredness. Pray for Micah's two older sisters as they find their place in the midst of Mama and Daddy being at the hospital.
If every one of us lifted up even just one prayer--imagine where that would take Baby Micah. God's got something special in mind for this child. Be a part of that...
God Said Get Moving
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Managing My Home - Conquering Mt. Laundry
Recently, I shared with you about conquering Mt. Laundry in my home. I few people have asked me to be a bit more detailed about what happens before the laundry makes it to the laundry room.
In each room, there is one of the above laundry sorters (or something similar) so that the color sorting is done each day. I don't have to sit there and weed through the clothes trying to find the ones that need to be washed for that day. The ones in my room are 3 independent units, so I take the basket filled with the color for that day from my room, walk to the kids rooms and dump their like colors into my basket. I then take it downstairs into the laundry room and let the fun begin! (Sarcasm intended)
You might think your kids would not work with you on this sorting thing. Mine didn't just start doing it. I had to take the time to train them on what colors go into which basket. I set aside a chunck of time one afternoon, I explained to them what I wanted to see in each bin and we practiced sorting the clothes over and over again. Ever since then, color sorting really isn't a problem. If your kids are a bit younger, I have a friend that put colored construction paper of appropriate colors over each bin so if in doubt, her children could consult the chart.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Taking Pictures
Last week, I had the opportunity to speak at a local MOPS group. I was asked to speak on a topic that I never intended to become the mouthpiece for, but apparently God is asking me to get out of my comfort zone and break the silence of the Christian church on sex. Yes, you read that right...I spoke on sex. Can you believe that?! What the heck is going on? I really wanted to hide under the table when they announced the topic of the speaker, but then I realized that I had to come out from my hiding place since I was the speaker! The good news was that I took my good friend along and we spoke together. It's so much easier to break the silence with a friend by your side!
While I was there, something came up that I'd forgotten about and yet wanted to pass along to you as soon as I was reminded. Remember when I shared the idea of leaving the lights on when you have sex with your man? Well this goes along with that. It's kind of out there, but I think worthy of thinking about. Have you ever thought about allowing your man to take erotic pictures of you? Another way to help your man with any temptation he may have with pornography, why not let the pictures he views be of you?
I know, I know...it sounds crazy, but yet if you really think about it, it's not crazy. It's smart. I'll admit I wasn't too keen on the idea at first, but yes indeed, my man does have some of me (stored under lock and key because I would come unglued if anyone other than he ever viewed them!). It was awkward at first and I can't say that I have ever really gotten used to it, but I've done it in the past for him. It started when he traveled alot because it gave me comfort to know that when he was sitting in a hotel room all by himself, that he would take a look at me and not some unknown woman on the internet. Your man doesn't even have to be a traveler, just a guy who wants to do the right thing by meditating on images of his wife.
Here's my great big caution with this one: Be free to pursue this idea with your man, but please, please protect yourself by taking precautions to make sure that these types of pictures are not accessible to just anyone, including your children. They are for YOUR man's eyes only. In today's digital age, if these pictures were not treated with extra caution--you could end up very embarrassed or in a lot of trouble!
Just a thought. I know it's a lot, but yet a simple thought all at once. I know it's crazy, but...just sayin', Mama. Get out of your comfort zone and be willing to love your man on his turf, if this is something that would help him.
While I was there, something came up that I'd forgotten about and yet wanted to pass along to you as soon as I was reminded. Remember when I shared the idea of leaving the lights on when you have sex with your man? Well this goes along with that. It's kind of out there, but I think worthy of thinking about. Have you ever thought about allowing your man to take erotic pictures of you? Another way to help your man with any temptation he may have with pornography, why not let the pictures he views be of you?
I know, I know...it sounds crazy, but yet if you really think about it, it's not crazy. It's smart. I'll admit I wasn't too keen on the idea at first, but yes indeed, my man does have some of me (stored under lock and key because I would come unglued if anyone other than he ever viewed them!). It was awkward at first and I can't say that I have ever really gotten used to it, but I've done it in the past for him. It started when he traveled alot because it gave me comfort to know that when he was sitting in a hotel room all by himself, that he would take a look at me and not some unknown woman on the internet. Your man doesn't even have to be a traveler, just a guy who wants to do the right thing by meditating on images of his wife.
Here's my great big caution with this one: Be free to pursue this idea with your man, but please, please protect yourself by taking precautions to make sure that these types of pictures are not accessible to just anyone, including your children. They are for YOUR man's eyes only. In today's digital age, if these pictures were not treated with extra caution--you could end up very embarrassed or in a lot of trouble!
Just a thought. I know it's a lot, but yet a simple thought all at once. I know it's crazy, but...just sayin', Mama. Get out of your comfort zone and be willing to love your man on his turf, if this is something that would help him.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Managing My Home - Laundry
This has been a full weekend between The Driver's birthday, Valentine's Day and now the Presidential holiday. Whew! Gotten a lot done, but want to still get a lot more done so this is a simple thought for a simple day. Laundry.
People ask me all the time how I manage to keep up on the laundry for seven people. I think they imagine that I have mountains of laundry to conquer. I think they fear my laundry more than I do. I don't know why, but laundry really doesn't bother me. I have it organized in such a way that I master my laundry, not the other way around.
I use a simple system that maps out what I wash and on what day. I don't even do laundry every single day! Can you believe that?
Mondays - Dark clothes and jeans
Tuesdays - Light clothes
Wednesdays - off
Thursdays - Whites
Fridays - off
Saturdays - off
Sundays - definately off
If I have sheets or towels to wash, I just add them into the color day that they match. Or sometimes I'll wash one bed a day so that I don't get overwhelmed at the prospect of washing and making 6 beds in one day. I did that once...never again! I hate making beds. Absolutely hate making beds so I avoid it like the plague! I think it's the "short thing." Making beds just wasn't made for short people!
Back to the laundry, I don't get overwhelmed by laundry because I don't have to fret about whether certain clothes will get done or not. I know that those jeans or that specific shirt will eventually get done, even if it's next Monday--it'll get done. On average I only do about 2-3 loads per actual washing day.
I used to do all of our laundry on Mondays but would spend Monday nights in tears because I thought was going to die before I ever conquered it all. That obviously wasn't going to work so I had to find a way to break a large task down into bite-sized pieces. A few loads of laundry a few days a week also makes it so that I will accomplish the task of folding and putting away in the same day. It's just one of those things that I choose to make sure is done by the time I go to bed. I don't want the extra work for the next day.
Every once in a great while, I'll get my machines going on an "off" day, but that is probably because the kids played in the mud or someone threw a washcloth into the laundry room that was used to wipe up a milk spill and it is stinking to high heaven! Again, I don't fret because it's only one load. That one load doesn't feel like a burden because I've conquered everything else on the other days.
Another way I make this large job smaller is by enlisting the help of my kids. I have a laundry helper each week. That person makes sure that the laundry keeps moving. I am generally the "folder," but I have been known to turn up the music and seperate the clothes out to each family member and we have a "laundry folding par-tay!"
Here's another idea for you, you've got some great help with putting clothes away if you send each of your kids with a stack of their own clothes to put away. Those are the moments when you let your organizational ideas go out the window and let your children feel like a part of the team by helping--no matter what the outcome. Who cares what their drawer looks like if they feel accomplished? If it's really that big of a deal to you then take some of your time to teach your kids how you want things put in the drawer. Either do it over and over again until they get it right OR show them and then be happy with their efforts. Sometimes you've just gotta pick your battles, Mama!
By breaking it down into small pieces, an impossible task has become possible. Off to wash my darks and jeans...
People ask me all the time how I manage to keep up on the laundry for seven people. I think they imagine that I have mountains of laundry to conquer. I think they fear my laundry more than I do. I don't know why, but laundry really doesn't bother me. I have it organized in such a way that I master my laundry, not the other way around.
I use a simple system that maps out what I wash and on what day. I don't even do laundry every single day! Can you believe that?
Mondays - Dark clothes and jeans
Tuesdays - Light clothes
Wednesdays - off
Thursdays - Whites
Fridays - off
Saturdays - off
Sundays - definately off
If I have sheets or towels to wash, I just add them into the color day that they match. Or sometimes I'll wash one bed a day so that I don't get overwhelmed at the prospect of washing and making 6 beds in one day. I did that once...never again! I hate making beds. Absolutely hate making beds so I avoid it like the plague! I think it's the "short thing." Making beds just wasn't made for short people!
Back to the laundry, I don't get overwhelmed by laundry because I don't have to fret about whether certain clothes will get done or not. I know that those jeans or that specific shirt will eventually get done, even if it's next Monday--it'll get done. On average I only do about 2-3 loads per actual washing day.
I used to do all of our laundry on Mondays but would spend Monday nights in tears because I thought was going to die before I ever conquered it all. That obviously wasn't going to work so I had to find a way to break a large task down into bite-sized pieces. A few loads of laundry a few days a week also makes it so that I will accomplish the task of folding and putting away in the same day. It's just one of those things that I choose to make sure is done by the time I go to bed. I don't want the extra work for the next day.
Every once in a great while, I'll get my machines going on an "off" day, but that is probably because the kids played in the mud or someone threw a washcloth into the laundry room that was used to wipe up a milk spill and it is stinking to high heaven! Again, I don't fret because it's only one load. That one load doesn't feel like a burden because I've conquered everything else on the other days.
Another way I make this large job smaller is by enlisting the help of my kids. I have a laundry helper each week. That person makes sure that the laundry keeps moving. I am generally the "folder," but I have been known to turn up the music and seperate the clothes out to each family member and we have a "laundry folding par-tay!"
Here's another idea for you, you've got some great help with putting clothes away if you send each of your kids with a stack of their own clothes to put away. Those are the moments when you let your organizational ideas go out the window and let your children feel like a part of the team by helping--no matter what the outcome. Who cares what their drawer looks like if they feel accomplished? If it's really that big of a deal to you then take some of your time to teach your kids how you want things put in the drawer. Either do it over and over again until they get it right OR show them and then be happy with their efforts. Sometimes you've just gotta pick your battles, Mama!
By breaking it down into small pieces, an impossible task has become possible. Off to wash my darks and jeans...
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Managing My Home: 5:00 PM
If you were sitting in my home at 5:00 pm each day, you would think a silent alarm of some sort had gone off that you'd missed hearing. At 5:00 pm every day, my children know it is time to turn off all of the screens, stop their play or come inside--whatever they are doing stops. 5:00 pm signals the end of one part of our day and the preparation for another. 5:00 pm signals that it is time for us to ready the house for Daddy to come home.
However is it that I can keep up our home with a family of seven? Well, the answer is that I don't. We do. At 5:00 pm every day I begin making dinner and my children begin doing their daily jobs (or chores you may call them). We call them jobs because Mommy and Daddy have jobs that they must attend to each day and so do our children. We all contribute because we all play an important part.
As I dig out the ingredients for our dinner, my children start whirling around me with what they've been assigned for the week. It's really very simple how we do it. All of the jobs that are shared by the children are each individually written on a little wooden stick--kinda like a mini popsicle stick. On Monday mornings, one of my kids will put all of the sticks in a bowl and mix them up. That chosen child will blindly choose 3 jobs for each person in the family to do. For example, Mini-Me might end up with Sweep, Vacuum Living Room and Wipe Bathroom Counters to do each day for a week. While The Talker might end up with Unload Dishwasher, Trash, and Vacuum Stairs. As I said, each child has 3 random jobs for the week. Next week, it will look differently.
What I love about this arrangement is that we work together every day at the same time and that everyone plays their part, knowing what to do and what is expected of them. Even better is that I can let the house go during the day and know that I don't have to fret because at 5:00 pm it will all be put into order. So if you come by before 5:00 pm, there will most likely be a sink of dishes to be conquered and probably some sweeping that very obviously needs to be done. Rest assured, if you came back at 6:00 pm, it would look like a very different place!
5:00 pm is when we do these assigned jobs, but it is also when we clean up any toys or messes made above and beyond. You may wonder why we would bother to clean up toys and such so early, after all, we have the whole evening ahead of us, right? Why not wait until bedtime? Well, the answer is that we clean things up so that it doesn't look like a bomb went off while my husband was at work, but we also recognize that once Daddy gets home we won't really go back to what we were doing earlier in the day. We eat dinner and then spend time together as a family. Depending on the weather, we either go outside or we may stay inside and play board games, do a puzzle or play the Wii together. Whatever we do, we do it together. We don't want to waste that precious time with Daddy home cleaning up messes. And I don't know about you, but when it's the kid's bedtime, I want to read out-loud, tuck them in and give lots of hugs and kisses--not bark at them to clean up something from earlier in the day that they've forgotten about.
I am a perfectionist by nature, but God is working this out of me with each child He adds to our family. My nature would send me trailing behind each child all day long picking up after them and expecting them to act like they don't live here. However, the reality is that we really do live here and it is evident. It gives this Mama comfort to know at least one time each day, her home will look like she wants and that by doing it a little bit each day, the load is lighter by not letting it build up and it certainly becomes all the lighter when we all work together as a family--that I don't have to carry the load alone.
For a list of jobs in our home, click here or here.
However is it that I can keep up our home with a family of seven? Well, the answer is that I don't. We do. At 5:00 pm every day I begin making dinner and my children begin doing their daily jobs (or chores you may call them). We call them jobs because Mommy and Daddy have jobs that they must attend to each day and so do our children. We all contribute because we all play an important part.
As I dig out the ingredients for our dinner, my children start whirling around me with what they've been assigned for the week. It's really very simple how we do it. All of the jobs that are shared by the children are each individually written on a little wooden stick--kinda like a mini popsicle stick. On Monday mornings, one of my kids will put all of the sticks in a bowl and mix them up. That chosen child will blindly choose 3 jobs for each person in the family to do. For example, Mini-Me might end up with Sweep, Vacuum Living Room and Wipe Bathroom Counters to do each day for a week. While The Talker might end up with Unload Dishwasher, Trash, and Vacuum Stairs. As I said, each child has 3 random jobs for the week. Next week, it will look differently.
What I love about this arrangement is that we work together every day at the same time and that everyone plays their part, knowing what to do and what is expected of them. Even better is that I can let the house go during the day and know that I don't have to fret because at 5:00 pm it will all be put into order. So if you come by before 5:00 pm, there will most likely be a sink of dishes to be conquered and probably some sweeping that very obviously needs to be done. Rest assured, if you came back at 6:00 pm, it would look like a very different place!
5:00 pm is when we do these assigned jobs, but it is also when we clean up any toys or messes made above and beyond. You may wonder why we would bother to clean up toys and such so early, after all, we have the whole evening ahead of us, right? Why not wait until bedtime? Well, the answer is that we clean things up so that it doesn't look like a bomb went off while my husband was at work, but we also recognize that once Daddy gets home we won't really go back to what we were doing earlier in the day. We eat dinner and then spend time together as a family. Depending on the weather, we either go outside or we may stay inside and play board games, do a puzzle or play the Wii together. Whatever we do, we do it together. We don't want to waste that precious time with Daddy home cleaning up messes. And I don't know about you, but when it's the kid's bedtime, I want to read out-loud, tuck them in and give lots of hugs and kisses--not bark at them to clean up something from earlier in the day that they've forgotten about.
I am a perfectionist by nature, but God is working this out of me with each child He adds to our family. My nature would send me trailing behind each child all day long picking up after them and expecting them to act like they don't live here. However, the reality is that we really do live here and it is evident. It gives this Mama comfort to know at least one time each day, her home will look like she wants and that by doing it a little bit each day, the load is lighter by not letting it build up and it certainly becomes all the lighter when we all work together as a family--that I don't have to carry the load alone.
For a list of jobs in our home, click here or here.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Valentine's Day Surprise?
Look what The Driver got me for Valentine's Day...anyone surprised? A meeting of our two worlds together...sex and food. At least it will be fun to try new recipes and there will certainly be a reward at the end... :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Snowman Tea Party
Winter days can get kind of long and dreary, especially the ones in January. There's just something about those days after the holidays, when things slow down, that are nice, but can sometimes be boring. It was out of these types of days that our Snowman Tea Parties were born.
Quite a few years back, my mom gave me this goofy snowman tea set. I wondered to myself what in the world I would do with such a fragile thing. I tucked it away hoping that I'd think of something. Meanwhile, I began raising 3 boys that can be so--so--boyish sometimes! They can be like a bull in a glass shop, so full of energy! I'm all good with that, but sometimes I just long for them to settle down and be careful with what they are doing. This wish for my boys and that snowman tea set collided when I decided to embrace those long January days to teach them a little about slowing down and taking care of fragile things. My goal at these tea parties was not to teach them ettiquite per se. It was really just to get them stop and think about what they were doing and learn how to be gentle--to not break something for once! To treat things with care and respect, especially when it is not theirs.
So way back on some dreary January day, I pulled out that snowman tea set and began what has now become our January tradition. No other time of the year are those snowmen aloud to grace our table. Over time it has actually evolved into a hot chocolate party, but the point is still the same. We calmly sit at the table, fill our mugs with hot chocolate, cream and marshmallows and enjoy each other's company. Sometimes I even manage to get a few finger foods on the table, just like a real tea party. We are not in a hurry and it is a time of joy. We sit around telling stories and slow down enough to discuss the things we miss in the hurry of every day life. And of course, there is a whole lot of smiles and laughter around the table. I think that is my favorite part!
Such a simple thing--a goofy snowman tea set and yet it is something my kids look forward to. As soon as January 1st hits and the snowmen appear, they are excited and remind me daily that it's tea time. Of course we don't get to it every day--it wouldn't be as special if we did it every day--but it makes me smile to see them anxiously await tea time. It's just tea (or hot chocolate), but yet those snowmen have now made those long, dreary January days become something worth celebrating.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Additional Resources
Here's a few more resources:
http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/
http://www.themarriagebed.com/index.shtml
The above are sites that I checked out myself and found to have good information.
Also, a friend recommended Joe Beam.
http://www.joebeam.com/
I spent a bit of time on his site, but there were so many rabbit trails to follow that I quit and decided to sum this up and go spend some time with my man!
Again, pray and ask God to clearly guide you and your husband as to what will glorify Him in your sex life!
http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/
http://www.themarriagebed.com/index.shtml
The above are sites that I checked out myself and found to have good information.
Also, a friend recommended Joe Beam.
http://www.joebeam.com/
I spent a bit of time on his site, but there were so many rabbit trails to follow that I quit and decided to sum this up and go spend some time with my man!
Again, pray and ask God to clearly guide you and your husband as to what will glorify Him in your sex life!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Keep the Lights Burning
Just the other day I had an enlightening conversation with a friend as we discussed all this sex stuff I've been writing about. She shared an insight with me regarding men that I had never thought of before, but the more I think about it, it just makes sense. I even ran the thought by my husband to see what he thought and he agreed with my friend.
Here it is: Be sure to have sex with your husband with the lights on every once in awhile.
I don't know about you, but I prefer to hide myself in the darkness because after 4 babies--well, I'm just not looking like I'd like to. Frankly, I can't say that I've ever liked the idea of my husband seeing me naked no matter what season of our marriage, but still...the dark is nice. However, here is a great reason for keeping that light burning.
Men are visual and most Christian men know that they shouldn't be looking at that Hoochi Mama walking their way. So as a way to protect themselves, some men will avert their eyes. Here's the problem though...even just that one look stays imprinted in their mind. So even though they are not physically looking at Hoochi anymore, she is still there in his mind. He wrestles with this, trying to find some way to rid himself of the image that is burned into his thoughts. How can he fix this problem? A wise man learns how to insert images of his Lover into Hoochi's place. What is a man to do if he has no naked images of his wife in his mind to insert because he and his Lover always do it with the lights off? He needs images of you to one-up that Hoochi Mama. Quite a revelation, isn't it?
I don't know about you, but as much as I like the lights off, I'll do it in my birthday suit in broad daylight if I know it will help my man think of me instead of that Hoochi Mama that is strutting her stuff.
Don't sit placidly by while Hoochi Mama takes your place in your man's mind. Be pro-active and give him the images he needs to fight the visual battle that confronts him each day. Have confidence and know that he loves you just the way you are...with the lights on!
Here it is: Be sure to have sex with your husband with the lights on every once in awhile.
I don't know about you, but I prefer to hide myself in the darkness because after 4 babies--well, I'm just not looking like I'd like to. Frankly, I can't say that I've ever liked the idea of my husband seeing me naked no matter what season of our marriage, but still...the dark is nice. However, here is a great reason for keeping that light burning.
Men are visual and most Christian men know that they shouldn't be looking at that Hoochi Mama walking their way. So as a way to protect themselves, some men will avert their eyes. Here's the problem though...even just that one look stays imprinted in their mind. So even though they are not physically looking at Hoochi anymore, she is still there in his mind. He wrestles with this, trying to find some way to rid himself of the image that is burned into his thoughts. How can he fix this problem? A wise man learns how to insert images of his Lover into Hoochi's place. What is a man to do if he has no naked images of his wife in his mind to insert because he and his Lover always do it with the lights off? He needs images of you to one-up that Hoochi Mama. Quite a revelation, isn't it?
I don't know about you, but as much as I like the lights off, I'll do it in my birthday suit in broad daylight if I know it will help my man think of me instead of that Hoochi Mama that is strutting her stuff.
Don't sit placidly by while Hoochi Mama takes your place in your man's mind. Be pro-active and give him the images he needs to fight the visual battle that confronts him each day. Have confidence and know that he loves you just the way you are...with the lights on!
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