Open Letter

Dear Mommy Map readers,
Oh how I love you so, yet you are being left unattended.  You see, last week was a wild week and this week is about to get even wilder.  I am off into the wild blue yonder with Mini-Me.  We are headed to camp.  I really didn't want to continue your neglect (I had plans for auto-posting), but packing for me, Mini-Me and preparing everything for the rest of the crew back at home--well, it was a lot.  Yet here is the bright side...in order to beat an expiration date on a free Shutt*rfly album, I completed my first ever album in my last moments before leaving!  I actually finished DOP's adoption journey in pictures (2 years later)!  Woot! A miracle has happened in your midst!

Pray for my family here at home this week.  Pray for Mini-Me's first camp experience.  Pray for me to be alive when I get back so I can continue writing Mommy Map!

Signed,
The Navigator

Parenting Today with the Future in Mind

In the past I've done some speaking on "parenting today with the future in mind."  Heck, it's kinda how this blog got started.  Parenting in such a way that we as parents are intentional in the way we parent.  Parenting pro-actively instead of re-actively or as some say, parenting on purpose.

One of the things I've encouraged others to do is to write out a family purpose statement or even just come up with a few goals for your family that you can filter decisions through.  It's really not unlike a business model.  I'm one of those coo-coo people that attends business or leadership seminars and twists it in my mind as to how it can apply to family life.  That's where my thought process came from on this.  I observed businesses establishing a purpose statement that was used as a guide to keep their company on the right track for which it was originally started.  Our church even does it--"Helping people to find Jesus Christ and follow Him fully." They make decisions for the church as a whole based on whether it fits within those parameters.  I mean really now, doesn't it make sense that we do the same for our families?  Don't you want to have an idea of where you're headed or do you prefer to blunder through each day?  Do you have an idea of what you'd like your family/children to be like some day or do you just cross your fingers and hope for a miracle?  How will you get there if you don't have some sort of plan of action or maybe a guiding principle to get you there?

Thus said, I did create one of these for my children when they were toddlers and it served us well for a period of time, but as my children have gotten older, I have wanted to formulate a new purpose statement because our needs have changed a bit, yet I haven't ever gotten to it.  In my perfectionist way, I never really tackled it because I wanted it to be perfect on the first shot and ready for framing on my wall!  I wasn't willing to write out a few ideas and then let them simmer into perfection over time.

Recently, I've gotten a reminder about this desire and thus decided to get over my bad perfectionist self and to just start writing.  In an effort to possibly help others get started, I am going to share with you my very rough list of ideas.  I still have to work them through in my mind as to what I want to add/remove and then decide if I want to formulate them into one fancy statement or to have bullet points.  Still simmering...

Please keep in mind that my purpose for my family is going to look different than yours.  You are welcome to use it as a place to get ideas and then form it to fit your family.

Early years purpose statement:

God has given me the vision to stay home with my children so that I might raise them to be a sweet perfume to whoever they come into contact with--behaviorally, spiritually & personality-wise.  I also want to challenge them intellectually and allow them to creatively experience life to the fullest.  I want them to enjoy life and likewise me to enjoy them.  I thank God for the opportunity to stay home so that I have the chance to get to know them well in hopes that I can foster who God has made them and help give them opportunities in which to blossom regardless of their different personalities and needs.

Last week I had some drive time to sit with my husband and hammer out some current backbones of a new family purpose statement:

• Train and equip our children for adulthood.  Not only in their actions like practical life skills and job skills, but also in character.
• We as the parents will work to be evermindful that we cannot just say what we believe, we must live what we say we believe.
• We will make sure that all of our children know that they are a blessing to us and they have our approval, regardless of the choices they make or who they become.  They will always have our blessing over them.
• Help our children find & foster their personal gifts and talents--working alongside them to find their purpose and to pray diligently that they will not have a sense of wandering and not know what they are here for.
• We will work to raise our children to be leaders of the next generation.  Children know who they are and what they stand for.  Stand out as light in a dark world.
• Giving them a Biblical foundation/worldview. Equip them with practical skills like memorizing God's Word, knowing how to read their Bibles, how to study it themselves and to be in the habit of having a quiet time with the Lord each day.
• Putting our faith, as a family, into action by using our lives to be a part of the solution in meeting the needs of the defenseless.
• Family will be our priority.  We will aim to make sure that our family does not get the leftovers.
• Keeping our daughter's Russian heritage alive/our heart for Eastern Europe at the forefront of our mind and actions.

Rather illustrious don't ya think?  Well, we've gotta shoot high so at we have something to weed down from!  Gotta shorten it somehow too, but again, it's just a start.  Who knows, maybe we're even failing at some of them already or will fail, but at least we can try to aim in that direction.  The purpose for us is to use it as a guide as we make decisions for our family.  As new things come across our life path, we will filter it through these statements and ask ourselves if they fit.  If not, the answer is no thank you.  Simple as that.

Here's some examples: when someone asks one of us to join a committe, be a leader of a ministry or to go on a mission trip.  Since my husband is on staff at our church, this happens to us all of the time.  So we go to our family purpose statments and filter it.  Does it fit for us to go to Haiti when our heart is for Eastern Europe?  Should we serve the low-income kids, as a family, on a Saturday when Saturday is our Daddy's only full day off with us?  Should I participate in a ministry that I love, but is on the only night we have together as a family?  Should I take on being the coordinator for a ministy that I know I can do well, but will leave me exhausted and little time for my kids (and my husband, for that matter)?  Does The Talker want to join choir with his sister since she is in it, but yet singing is not really his thing?  Should we make our kids take piano lessons even though we've had a piano sitting in our home for over 12 years and no one has expressed one iota of interest in it?  What about when our whole family enrolls in soccer?  What if one of my kids doesn't want to, but wants to pursue baseball instead?  Should we sign up our kids for a particular children's ministry just because everyone else is or should be skip it and find something else that is better suited for them and our family?

My list could go on, but I hope you get the point.  We live in a culture, even the church, that offers us more options than we know what to do with, but we are only in this life once.  We only get one shot to live it with purpose.  I only have 18 years to pour into my children's lives.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to waste it.  So go ahead, do some thinking about what you want for your family in the years to come.  Think backwards and figure out some statements/goals that will help you figure out how to stay on that road toward your end goal.  Don't be a perfectionist like me.  Put your thoughts onto paper, talk with your husband and get his input, pray, let them simmer and then refine them.  After that...go for it!  Live your life like every day matters!

*Some books that have been helpful in relation to formulating a family vision statement:
"The Danger of Raising Nice Kids" by Timothy Smith and "Visioneering" by Andy Stanley.

Our Personal Road Map

A long time ago I saw this idea in Family Fun magazine, bought what we needed to put it into action and then promptly shoved it away in a closet to be useless for years on end.  Why that happened, I don't know.  However, despite this little idea being a bit past my kids age, we decided to break it out this week and it has been a blast.  I wonder if your kids might enjoy doing something like this too.

What we did was pull out that very large piece of canvas I had stowed away, along with the fabric markers and created our own personal road map for small cars to drive on.  At this point, will my kids ever drive their hot wheels all over it?  Probably not, but the process was precious to us.

Over the course of the last week, we've looked at ideas on-line for road placement and building ideas.  We also brainstormed and took a trip down memory lane about places we've been or frequently go--the places that are important to us as a family.  Once we were ready, I drew (with much supervision from my kids) the roads on the our road map.  After that, they took over.  They each spent the whole day yesterday drawing what they felt needed to be on our map.  It was such a blast for me to sit back and listen to them talk about all of these places and share why they thought they should be a part of our personal map.  They worked together in amazing way!

My favorite part of it all was later last night when I stood with The Driver and checked out in detail what they'd deemed worthy of our family map.  It had a bat cave (drawn by The Talker, of course), In-N-Out Burger, Trader J*es, Costco, our church, hospital with helipad, museum, and more.  It even came complete with handiapped parking spaces!  It was such a hoot! I only wish I could get a better picture for you!

A Simple Arguing Philosophy

Now that summer is here, I seem to get more questions from other moms about how I deal with arguing among my children.  I have this simple philosophy that I use all year long that seems to do the trick.  I have to confess I stole it from my friend, Trina, a few years back.  I think the use of this philosphy just comes into play more during the summer months because the kids have more free time and less structure.  Here is goes:

"If you have energy to argue, then you've got energy to work."

Thus, I have a list I keep for these specific times at my ready.  Whoever is arguing will have to spend time doing one of these activities with their sibling.  Usually by completion of the task, they have figured out how to get along and to work together.  If not, they will be assigned another task to complete until I see them working together.

Weeding the garden for a specified amount of time or until a specific area is completed.
Cleaning out the car.
Cleaning the toilets.
Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Clean the bathtubs.
Wipe every doorjam of fingerprints.
Vacuum, dust, and wipe down a specified room.

Don't be surprised if they continue their arguing for a bit as they start their task, but eventually they begin to see beyond the end of their own nose and realize that they'd better figure out a way to get along or they'll be doing this task for a r-e-a-l-l-y long time!

Don't be afraid to make your children work through situations they struggle with.  Separating them in their own rooms and avoiding the problem will never solve it.  They won't learn how to get along.  It just takes practice.  Coaching them through what is the right behavior and giving them the opportunity to do it over and over again until they get it right.  More on that later this week...

My New Career

I'm starting a new career.  Starting this week, I'm going to be a mail carrier.  My route will be my own house.  You see, I've got this hairbrained idea to foster a bit of encouragement, kind words and thinking positive.  It should also help my kids to keep their handwriting, spelling and general writing skills fresh.  I am going to run a post office for my family.

This summer (and maybe longer depending on how it goes) each person in my family is going to have a "mailbox" for other people in the family to send notes of encouragement or pictures to.  I've been trying to think of ways to foster all of these things just like we do with our stockings at Christmas.  I've wished for it to be year round.  I'm thinking this is gonna work because who in the world doesn't love to get mail?  Whether it's e-mail or snail mail there's always such joy at receiving mail!

All I did was purchase two of these 3-drawer organizers.  Each person gets a drawer (The Driver and I have to share) as their mailbox.  I originally was going to save cardboard boxes or buy some simple little baskets from the dollar store, but after much thought...I decided this was the best choice for our family. Anything can work.  Be creative.  In fact, letting your kids decorate their mailbox might be a fun idea too!  Just find what you think will work for you and your family.

Off I go to fulfill my new role.  I'll let you know how it goes.  I'm hoping it's a success, but I promise to tell you if it's a flop cause I'd hate to lead you astray!

Exposing Secrets

The Mommy Map is mostly about parenting and marriage, but if you're going to join me on this journey then you will also have to wander down the path with me as I wrestle with the unjust things of the world.  I daily wrestle with the staggering statistics of the defenseless.  Things like there being 147 million orphans in the world.  There are people who don't even know where their next meal will come from and yet I have a pantry brimming with food.  Some lack fresh, clean water to drink and yet I get fussy when I have to drink tap water vs filtered water.  And there's sex trafficking...all of it bothers me greatly, but this one just gets my goat (Did I just say, "gets my goat?") the most.

Over the past few years, God has been trickling info about sex trafficking to me.  He knew I couldn't take more than that because sex trafficking is personal, but yet now it seems the fire hose has opened up and I am constantly inundated with more information than I know what to do with.  Sometimes I am so overwhelmed I just weep.  Sometimes I just want to curl up in the fetal position because of the pain I feel for what is happening to these girls.  Eastern Europe is especially close to our hearts. The Driver and I desire to return to Eastern Europe and have prayed about how God would use us to help those who cannot help themselves, but yet we both feel that we are to wait. Wait for what we do not know, but until we know what we are waiting for, we will use our voices to open peoples eyes to what goes on--not just in other countries, but even here in America.  We will not be a part of keeping it secret because we might offend someone. We will work to expose the secret and educate others. Most importantly of all, we will be on our knees praying for the defenseless and against those who would seek to do them harm.  Read the following statistics, let it sink in and join me in prayer.

1.2 million children are trafficked every year; this is in addition to the millions already held captive by trafficking



Every 2 minutes a child is being prepared for sexual exploitation


The average victim is forced to have sex up to 40 times a day


The average age of a trafficked victim is 14 years old


Sex trafficking is an engine of the global AIDS epidemic


By 2010 Sex Trafficking will be the number one crime worldwide

As I read these statistics, I was challenged to set an alarm to go off every 2 minutes so that I could truly see what it means that "every 2 minutes a child is being prepared for sexual exploitation."  Yikes!  It was disturbing as I putzed around my kitchen, hearing that timer go off so frequently.  I dare you to do the same and to pray every time your timer goes off.  The defenseless need you.


*These statistics were found at http://www.sheispriceless.com/.

The Neighborhood Boredom Bucket

I think it's a good sign when I find the neighbor kids in my house, claiming they are bored and dipping into our Boredom Bucket.  What a sweet moment when they pulled the slip that required them to make something from recycled items and they did it!

Boredom Bucket

Now that summer is here, we decided to ready our big gun.  We spent some time yesterday filling up our Boredom Bucket.  I got this idea from a friend and decided to put it into personal use because I currently have one particular child that regularly tells me he's bored.  He plows through his schoolwork and then doesn't know what to do with his extra time.  If this is a problem for him during school, I just have this feeling that he might drive me mad with the extra time on his hands during summer vacation!  Thus, I am being pro-active on this issue because I do not care to have a repeatative conversation each day about how we have a house full of things to do and I am not here to entertain him.

In this bucket, we placed 1" stips of paper that had things to do written on them.  It actually turned out to be an awesome project for the kids to help with because they not only got involved in thinking up some of the ideas, but also they were forced to think through how to spell things and write it out themselves.

The idea is that when someone says they are bored, they are to go to the Boredom Bucket and pick out something to do. If they are so bored that they must partake from the bucket, then they must do what the slip of paper tells them to do.  It's a risk they take because some of them are great things and some of them are not.

We started out by writing down things we could think of on our own, but then began to resort to our "Family Fun Boredom Busters" book.  We also perused through some of our years and years of old/current Family Fun magazines.  We also put in a few duplicate slips.  In case you wanted to start your own Boredom Bucket (or jar or bottle), here is our exhaustive list to help you get started.  This may be a bit long, but I hate it when people only give a few ideas.  Sometimes I just need more than a few to get my brain jump started!

Write a letter.
Work on the family puzzle (We always have a 1000 piece one going during vacations.)
Make a paperclip chain.
Take out the trash.
Take out the compost.
Do someone's jobs (chores) for them.
Play Simon Says.
Make a watercolor painting.
Play kitchen with your sister.
Listen to a book on CD.
Dress up in a costume.
Play a board game.
Make a snack for everyone.
Ask Mom if you can make a batch of cookies.
Practice your cursive writing.
Do a Math Facts worksheet.
Make someone's bed for them.
Make something out of aluminum foil.
Play with Polly Pockets.
Make your bed.
Play in the sand table.
Play lightsabers.
Make something out of recycled items.
Clean your room.
Water the backyard grass.
Write a note of encouragement to a sibling.
Practice your typing.
Listen to music.
Play Penny Basketball.
Do one page in your school workbook.
Play in the backyard.
Use stickers to make a picture.
Sweep the floor.
Make a necklace or bracelet.
Play with hackey sacks.
Time yourself doing something (ie: how many times can you snap your fingers in 1 minute, etc.)
Invent a secret code.
Go bug catching.
Fill in a US States map.
Ride your bike.
Sing your favorite song.
Read your Bible.
Have a Lego contest.
Read a book to your sister.
Make a design with the geometric shape blocks.
Make a book.
Play house with someone.
Clean out the trash from the car.
Clean the mirrors in the bathrooms.
Build a fort.
Create a picnic lunch/dinner for the family.
Play with bubbles outside.
Read outloud to someone.
Draw with stencils.
Organize something.
Practice cartooning.
Sweep and mop the floor.
Pick another card.
Take out the recycling.
Read a book.
Take a nap.
Draw a picture for a friend.
Pretend you are on a bus, train or plane.
Play with Zho Zho pets.
Pull out the Family Fun magazines or book, choose an activity and do it.
Play Legos.
Play a card game.
Play Red Light, Green Light or Duck, Duck, Goose.
Climb a tree.
Play baseball/T-ball.
Get rid of one of your toys or stuffed animals to give to a child in need.
Write 5 things you are thankful for.
Play dodgeball.
Play I-Spy.
Read "find-it" books.
Make something with pipe cleaners.
Play with playdough or modeling clay.
Make something with toothpicks or straws.
Jump rope.
Ask mom to help you make something in the kitchen.
Make up or discover a new game from a book.
Vacuum.
Pretend to be a pet vet.
Make a paper hat.
Clean the toilet.
Pull weeds for 15 minutes.
Memorize a verse or poem.
Water the plants.
Make a treasure hunt.
Make something for one of your siblings.
Write a thank you note.
Play Wii Sports Resort for 15 minutes.
Build with blocks.
Run through the sprinklers.
Make a store or restaurant and invite your siblings to it.
Play soccer.
Make puppets and put on a show.
Pick a "Try This Now" from the back of Family Fun and do it.
Make up words on the calculator.
Make popsicles for the family.
Blow up balloons.
Play with your stuffed animals.
Practice your spelling words.
Pick up things around the house and put them away.
Draw using different techniques.
Rub Mommy or Daddy's back.
Draw a big picture on butcher paper.
Play Monkey in the Middle.
Ride your scooter.
Run a few laps in the backyard.
Do a craft project.
Use sidewalk chalk.
Fold laundry and put it away.
Listen to KLOVE.
Play with Littlest Pet Shop.
Create an obstacle course for others to play.
Give someone a hug.
Make a bowling game with cups.
Take a bath or shower.
Make a picture with buttons.
Fold the blankets in the living room.
Play frisbee.
Use the dry erase board.  Play tic-tac-toe, etc.
Learn how to make a blade of grass whistle.
Wipe the downstairs bathroom.
Go on a 100 hunt. (Collect 100 of an item.)
Pet the cats and feed them.
Ask Mom if she needs help with anything and do it happily!
Read a Lego magazine.
Do a random act of kindness for someone.
Make a paper airplane.
Use the word magnets to create sentences or even a story.
Turn on the music and dance.
Practice hammering with nails.
Read your school book.
Teach your sister to spell a new word.
Write a story and draw pictures to go with it.
Go on a nature walk in the backyard.  Make something with what you find.
Wipe the fingerprints/dirt off of doorframes.
Play on the computer for 15 minutes.
Make a collage.

This is our complete list for now, but I intend to add in a few more as I think of them.  I also am going to sit down and do this again in about 6 weeks.  We really weren't done, but figured it was enough for now.  It is enough to get them started, now let's hope this is enough to get YOU started!

Happy Birthday to Daughter of Purpose!

Today we celebrate the birth of our Daughter of Purpose.  She is turning 6 today, but yet this is only our third opportunity to celebrate with her.  Her first 3 birthdays were in a Russian orphanage.  Sometimes that fact grieves me, but yet I know that I cannot dwell on missing out on the joyous day of her birth.  There is some sort of purpose for her being there and not here during that time frame. I may never know or understand that.  I wish I could've been there to hold her and love on her. It bothers me to think of her laying in a Russian hospital all alone.  Yet I have hope.  I have hope knowing that I have a God with the name El Roi.  El Roi is the God who sees.  It gives me comfort to know that even though I was not there on the day of my daughter's birth...He was.  El Roi was there and He saw her.  He celebrated her birth and watched over her and orchestrated her path to end up in our family.  He saw and He still sees her.  He sees her here in our family and still dances with joy, probably even more joy now that she's home.

I do not know any details of her birth mother, but on this day I also stop to remember her, pray for, wonder a bit about her and to thank God for her because without her I wouldn't have this precious treasure to call my daughter.

Happy Birthday, Daughter of Purpose!  Can't wait to walk this journey of life with you and to see what purposes God has in mind for you that could not be accomplished any other way than to be here in our family in America.

The top picture is her first birthday celebration with us--two weeks after her arrival in the US.

Left pic:  DOP with one of our friends at an international costume party.

Right pic:  DOP on our vacation this spring.