Dear Family and Friends,
We are so thrilled to finally bring home our Hidden Treasure home and we know you are rejoicing with us.
As we have prepared for the arrival of her, we have learned that while decorating her room and stocking up on toddler essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our new toddler. In her short life, our daughter has gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes are for her at her young age. While she may not consciously remember the events, she still has experienced immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother, and more recently the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, sounds, routines and language of her birth country. Her world has been turned upside down. She struggles with feeling safe and secure and she lacks the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. We have done immense preparation for this--to meet our Hidden Treasure’s emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe.
We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. At this point, she is 3 years old, but functioning at 18 months of age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have learned from research and experience that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. So please don’t be offended when we ask you not to pick her up or feed her. She needs to learn who her family is and is not. She needs to learn boundaries. She needs to learn that every person in the room is not Mama.
You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow our daughter’s lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects.
We have all been waiting anxiously for our Hidden Treasure to arrive and we know you have too, but she has not been waiting for us. She is already showing her grief and confusion in many ways and we are helping her through it, proving to her that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. Prayer, patience and perseverance are our friends. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, praying for us and her. We thank you in advance for your support and understanding. We love you all so much.
Love,
The Mommy Map Family
***If you are interested in reading more about attachment in adoption and how you can be supportive to us and other adoptive families you know, go to A4everfamily.org
We have all been waiting anxiously for our Hidden Treasure to arrive and we know you have too, but she has not been waiting for us. She is already showing her grief and confusion in many ways and we are helping her through it, proving to her that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. Prayer, patience and perseverance are our friends. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, praying for us and her. We thank you in advance for your support and understanding. We love you all so much.
Love,
The Mommy Map Family
***If you are interested in reading more about attachment in adoption and how you can be supportive to us and other adoptive families you know, go to A4everfamily.org
